23rd June 2016 at 5:53 pm #19932
I have just been speaking to 2 women about my ex,neither of these have ever experienced any abuse. They belittled his behaviour & compared themselves as they do not have friends like he does, nt. I said someone who doesn’t have any friends is different to someone who doesn’t have any friends, takes his partner s money,frightens & controls them. I feel so angry, they have no idea what I have been through. 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲
23rd June 2016 at 7:43 pm #19936SerenityParticipant
It’s best to just divulge things to those who have been through it. X*x
23rd June 2016 at 7:58 pm #19939
Thanks serenity,I have now fallen out with this woman & it is an awful atmosphere 😢
23rd June 2016 at 8:17 pm #19942Winterblues2Participant
Urgh, this is how I have been finding myself feeling constantly. I work in an environment where we come in to contact with victims and survivors of abuse frequently, yet dispute this and knowing my full story my colleagues still belittle the abuse and have no appreciation for what I or others have to deal with or the long term effects of abuse.
My therapist says that we cannot expect them to understand and that the reality is that unless you’ve experienced something for yourself it isn’t possible to truly get it. It’s hard when there isn’t any empathy or attempt to get it though 😔
23rd June 2016 at 8:32 pm #19943Falling SkysParticipant
Thats why I love this group, people that haven’t experience abuse can’t understand the logic or should I say the illogical behaviour of an abuser.
If you are able to go to Freedom Meetings it will do you the world of good.
23rd June 2016 at 8:47 pm #19945
Thanks girls. Me & this woman are now not talking, it has turned nasty & she told the other person that she does not want to work with me again. This was because I confronted her about belittling the pure hell that I have been going through, she was making not serious & unimportant his characteristics, the characteristics that have destroyed my peace of mind. I agree with serenity, some subjects such as abuse,politics & money are best kept to yourself unless you are sure of who you are disclosing to.😞😞😞😞😞
23rd June 2016 at 8:58 pm #19946Eve1Participant
I have to agree with Serenity, from experience. I’ve withdrawn more and more from’friends’ who don’t understand and who victim blame. It’s sad but safest.
23rd June 2016 at 10:58 pm #19957Peaceful PigParticipant
Yes HA, it feels so invalidating and hurtful.
Ditto Winter blues, I work in a similar work environment where I feel colleagues ought to know better. It’s very triggering.
I heard this corker today, “don’t you think it’s so much worse seeing a man upset than a woman?” This about a man who I suspect put on an Oscar winning performance for her benefit. I attempted to question her calmly but I couldn’t let that go without comment. Misogyny is rife 😠
23rd June 2016 at 11:13 pm #19959
Yes PP i hear what you are saying. I was so angry today as this woman belittling abuse I really was. Then she had the cheek to make me even more upset by saying that I am a trouble maker and she did not want to work with me again. Some people have got no idea at all of the complexity of abuse……….. You could say to an “outsider” something like “he is giving me the silent treatment, or he put a note on my car saying me misses me”……….They would not understand that short throwaway comments like that are enough to instill sheer terror into an abuse victim. It made me sick her reaction to me. I was almost sectioned due to his mental abuse.
24th June 2016 at 12:41 pm #19989AyannaParticipant
I do not disclose what I have been through to anybody who is inexperienced with abuse.
Oblivious people can be very hurtful and dismissive.
That can set us back in our process of healing.
Lots of professionals who hold positions that require knowledge about abuse are very bad at their jobs. They are incompetent. They are emotionally unfit for their positions because they fail to even try to understand.
The latest famous example is the judge in the Ellie Butler case.
I came across many unfit for practice professionals.
Yet complaining about them is another story. I will be reminded by their managers that I am just a foreign woman and that I should rather shut up or worse will happen to me.
However, their names will appear in my letters to higher authorities, because nobody bullies me into silence and I am not scared of anybody.
24th June 2016 at 10:57 pm #20038
Thank you for your feedback Ayanna. I was really quite angry yesterday, this person had absolutly no idea what I had been through, almost sectioned due to mental abuse, she belittled it and compared herself to him in a lighthearted jokey way. This is a lesson well learnt, i will not discuss again with anybody on the ‘outside’. X
25th June 2016 at 7:12 am #20043
Thank you all for your comments and feedback. I enrolled for the Freedom Programme 6 weeks ago, they don’t have a place until September which is disapointing.
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