For the first time in years I have been able to walk some around places which caused me massive anxiety and not just as a one off. 🙂
It is amazing. I hoped I could, I had glimpses the old me who used to do this.
So far three times in a row, I have managed it long may continue. 🙂
I noticed when I realised I was calm and things were quiet and I wasn’t on hyper alert or scared of the quietness in my head. I actually took a moment to realise I had a quiet head and not the noisy swimming pool head I can get and my heart wasn’t beating like mad or my breaths short.
I wasn’t forcing on the smile, or feeling as though I was climbing to summit of Mount Everest. I could see everything around me and not feel as though the world was closing in.
I wasn’t exhausted from looking normal and trying to keep my anxiety under control.
Instead I was exhausted from just the normal effort of being there and doing stuff, because I could do so much more with the extra energy I had from not trying to let my head and body hijack me. That type of exhausted I can manage 🙂