Hi LonelyFamily,
Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be.
It is part of the abuse to make you feel like you are going mad or that you are the one perpetrating the abuse. He does this hoping you will doubt yourself and never feel able to leave. He makes you feel like you will never cope without him. It is a vicious cycle of abuse where you can’t see a way out.
You and the children deserve better than this and you can cope without him. I would encourage you to access ongoing support from a domestic abuse service. They can meet you and help you to make a safety plan.
You can also call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. The line is available 24/7 and calls are answered by trained female support workers.
Take care and keep posting.
Best Wishes,
Lisa