I was lay in bed this morning and the realisation comes to me that him calling me names every time we argued was not okay!! I know it’s crazy, but it’s the first time I’ve recognised this with any clarity. So strange. My entire view of him and our relationship is changing. I mean, completely changing! There’s no romance to it any more. I don’t feel any guilt for the things he does or has done. I feel no responsibility for anything. I can’t quite believe I ever did! Such is the power he had over me. I honestly feel like I was completely brainwashed….like my mind has not been mine for a long while. I’ve had some bad days. I have been so gut wrenchingly upset by what he’s done. But I feel so different from the last time we broke up. The yearning is easing. And every time I miss him, I ask myself what it is I actually miss? I didn’t know him. Is there even a him? Who knows. I’m just so glad that I’m finally seeing things clearly. Accepting the truth. What is real. What his actions say and not his words. I knew who he was last time, but I still couldn’t see. I’m glad he did what he did that day. It was awful. But I saw him for a second and it gave me chance to get here. It is better. So much better. Maybe I’m having a good day…maybe I’ll feel terrible for the next two, but today is good….and that’s one more day than I had when I was with him. Despicable people!!! 😡