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Well done for getting through this hard time x It does get easier, but yes they really do leave us in turmoil as the effects of the abuse doesn’t just go away just because they do. But time and selfcare really does help x
I think it’s really good that you are able to put into words what you don’t miss – even when the feelings of longing for him comes back, you know you wouldn’t take him back. This is a really big step, well done. No contact really is a lifesaver isn’t it so even if we sometimes wonder why they aren’t contacting us and do we not matter to them, it’s a blessing in disguise when they leave us alone x
Keep going x

I get you when you wonder about dealing so well. I think for some of us we did our grieving whilst still in the relationship, before managing to get rid of our abuser. This means that we can quickly come to enjoy being without them.

Having done some research as well, and speaking with ladies here, reading the posts, we can also come to ‘forgive’ ourselves quite quickly too, and realise that we weren’t the ones at fault, we didn’t allow the abuse.

Plus of course, living without the mess, stale alcohol, tobacco smells and the mess is such a relief to add to it.

Don’t worry, you’re doing fine.

Congrats darling well done! Celebrate this mile stone, treat yourself, it’s a huge achievement to have gotten away and stayed away 👍
We have done nothing wrong, nothing at all, they choose kind hearted people for some reason, if only they would choose each other and leave us kind people alone.

You are doing so well, going through your grief, giving your emotions the space and time they need to be processed, taking it one day at the time, you are so strong, looking towards the future, yes!
Everyone will get to their life of freedom, everyones possess incredible strength in themselves.

I’ll tell you a little story;
I saw a couple the other day, he was holding her hand as if he owned her, he looked cared for, she looked unkept, worn out, dirty hair and now I know why some women look like this. I always wondered why can’t she make an effort, he is. Now I know better; she wasn’t permitted to care for herself. She has been badly abused right before they came to this event, that’s why her eyes are down, sad, beaten, seemingly not present and definitely not enjoying the event.
I couldn’t approach her, he was not letting go of her for even one second. And she wouldn’t have understood a word of what I am saying. And he would have punished her for letting me speak to her.
But I don’t feel desperate for her. She is not helpless. I imagined how one day she will astonish everyone by getting support for herself, for having the courage to speak out and leaving him. How she will grow into a brand new woman. The woman she once was and better, stronger.
Those were my thoughts when I saw this woman.
There is strength in every one of us. 💪

Sending you hugs sweety 💕

Do you know what Imsosad? Apart from the fact he physically abused me a number of times, we could have been married to the same man! You’re doing great. I’m struggling as well with the feeling of missing “him”, but I miss the nice bits of our relationship that weren’t that frequent! Oh clean toilets.. bliss!! I’m sure we’ll have these moments but we’re strong enough to get through them when we remember how they made us feel most of the time. Hopelifejoy- a sad story indeed. I wish every woman in this situation could see the light and get out safely. I had a conversation with a recently separated friend this week and I could sense she wasn’t telling me something. I gently steered the conversation and hey presto. Another lovely beautiful successful woman bought down by one of these horrible men. I have told her about this forum in the hope she’ll join and get some support and now we are kindred spirits having gone through similar things. Keep going Imsosad, a day at a time. I’m so glad I found you ladies and for giving me the strength to go no contact, it’s really the best. Big hugs to you all x*x

I’m truly sorry, I didn’t intend it to be a sad story, I saw strength in that woman, hidden under a thick fog of abuse certainly but I imagined the fog already dissipating around her, I wanted to emphasise on the strength inside each woman which always comes out shining brightly.

Imsosad you are showing everyone here the value of getting out by just posting as you do, it’s inspiring.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a center where they distribute hugs? A coffee with two hugs pls. It’s really all that’s needed, a good cry and a hug. I’m sure it is as helpful if not more as good therapy session. It would work for me for sure 😌

We’ll have here for giving each other virtual hugs 💕

I’m glad you’re out and no never again.
I think this forum is life saving for a great many of us. It really keeps us going to see we aren’t alone or crazy, it gives us strength and wings to eventually fly away to a safe and happy future.

In that drop in, I would get breakfast there everyday and distribute hugs and teddybears lol what a nice way to start the day 😌 I wonder how it would work though to keep it safe, no entry for abusers you know, maybe only allowed for women but then what about your gay friend? Maybe abused gay men allowed but only by reference from a woman already member…
☕️🍪💕

It adds complexity to your project indeed if you wish to mix genders. Your passion to create this group is essential, the logistics around the concept can be researched, I’m sure. Maybe something similar already exists?

I’m sorry your friend is also suffering from abuse, he most probably knows how to get support for himself but here it is anyway, support for men: ManKind Initiative.

I hope your anxiety subsides soon, very soon, do take enough rest, my doctor keeps repeating about the benefits and importance of a long deep nights rest. I’m swallowing anti-anxiety pills again to get me through the night and it makes such difference, my anxiety is reduced by more than half during the day.

I know, this was exactly my thought process too! To busy myself to utter exhaustion but it doesn’t seem to work. It gets me even more agitated, as you say it’s vicious never ending circle.
I started taking pills in the evening again since few nights and this seems to help enormously.
My suggestion is to get strong pills to knock you out for the entire night, get a decent amount of sleep, at least 9 hours, I need 10 at the moment, I’m so exhausted.
A good nights sleep should reduce your anxiety during the day, give you back some mental space, relax your body, your nerves, i.e. a good night sleep improves your overall well-being. 😴

Well done absolutely, me time is the right mindset! 👍