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    • #12401
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      It’s been (removed by moderator) months no contact but I still do not feel any better ? I still feel that I love him so much like his the not man in the world that can make me happy again . I feel so broken. He was very verbally abusive and physical .. will I ever feel any better ?

    • #12411
      Ayanna
      Participant

      You will!
      But not after (removed by moderator) months. This takes longer.
      What makes his verbal and physical abuse so attractive to you? I do not believe that you found that attractive. See him as the monster that he is. You probably draw on the random great times that you had with him. Just remember all the horrible times he gave you. Does this not put you off him?
      Why did you leave him? Write down the thoughts you had when you left him.
      You had good reasons to go zero contact.
      You deserve better and you know that.
      You deserve a peaceful, happy life free from any form of abuse.
      I am sure you are doing great. You can just not see it.
      I have achieved so much since I fled and I think I am a loser. When I have better moments and reflect on what I have done with my life since he is out I should be so proud, but I am not.
      This is what these abusers do to us. It takes time and it will get better … 🙂

    • #12417
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      Exactly I can totally relate to you , I got a new job and everyone was so proud of me but I was not . I just can’t feel happy about anything . I feel like I am the bad person he made out I was and I deserve to be alone . When really all I wanted was to feel and be loved . When I look back tho I don’t seem to care what his done to me.

    • #12419
      Ayanna
      Participant

      You will care about yourself. That takes time. Make the best out of your new job.
      I too started in a new job not long ago.
      Give your best, ask for feedback. You will hear lots of positive things about yourself 🙂
      It is important that you love yourself.
      Does your job come with a benefits package, that offer counselling sessions to employees? Many employers offer that. Usually they are five to six sessions per year. The counselors do mainly CBT because of the short time. It is effective though. x*x

    • #12420
      Serenity
      Participant

      When I got a nice job, I felt a fraud. I felt that, sooner or later, they’d find out how rubbish I was and fire me.

      Apparently, this is called ‘imposter syndrome’ where you have no faith in yourself.

      This is common with victims of DV, whose confidence has been shot to pieces.

      (Removed by moderator) months isn’t long. It’s a slow process- but you will move in the right direction.

      X

    • #12423
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      Thank you so much for your replies . I feel I am not alone now just knowing that others have also felt like this. I really feel for you all because no one deserves to be made to feel That way (((big hugs))) if you can get through it then I have faith that i will too . (removed by moderator) months isn’t long I suppose I am just wanting a quick fix to make me feel normal again . I had over 10 years with this monster.

    • #12436
      KIP.
      Participant

      Read all about trauma bonding. This was a real eye opener for me. I read as much as I could about the mental effects of domestic violence. Although you still have to go,through the pain. At least you know why you’re feeling it. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t rush your recovery. Your brain needs time to process the abuse and get the toxins out of your system. I liken it to a bad drug habit. Stay strong. I promise you will get better and one day you will wake up and wonder what you ever saw in a pathetic excuse for a man. And one day he will not even enter your mind. That is a great day. Good riddance to bad rubbish❤️

    • #12454
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      Thank you KIP

    • #12475
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi hun

      how your feelingis normal, u still recovering ,part of recovery is re discovering yourself and loving yourself, we so used to there abuse it becomes normal. remember why u walk out, u can do so much better than him, remember how low he used to make u feel,i actually had to write fown thepositive n*d negative things about ex and read it before i accepted how much better off i was without him. I till get bad days where i feel low,but i am so much stronger now that i dont have to deal with his abuse and beatings. I think for me after beatings he’d demand hugs whci i never gave, but he would force himself and hug me nayway, i think the warmth we get from there body, no matter how much we hated them we got a weird sense of secuity,i think we miss the hugs cause it made us feel safe event though we werent safe if that makes s ense. I just see living with him i was an animal been mis treated. Once we get over this trauma bonding it gets better, we get so used to abuse when we not getting abused it feels weird and we dont know how to handle , we feel like something is misisng, it actually sounds sick but they r toxic and we have to wean ourselves of them to protect ourselves

    • #12575
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      confused123 that’s exactly how I feel , all this week I’ve cried because I am thinking of how he felt when we was Intimate. It felt like we was meant to be. My heart would beat faster and I’d get shivers like I felt safe in his arms. I don’t understand how you can love someone so much and them not love you ….

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