3 years since my first post on here…

the thing is abuse is not sexy once you see them for what they are you dont want to be intimate and share those things with someone that isnt treating you with respect. why should you? your doing the right thing getting out – he will use the old suicide tactic most do – be prepared for his tactics and they wont wash any more – when you know whats coming next – he will plead do anything to keep you from leaving but in the same breath these men are plotting their next victim and theyre only thinking of themselves – take back the rest of your life xx much luv diymum xx

Missnobody it’s taken me about the same time.

Try not to look at the time as a waste .. it is sometimes what’s needed for us to be absolutely sure we know ourselves , when we are ready , that we’ve made the right decision

I’m still in process of divorce and selling up but I spent several weeks staying temp with family .. in that time be tried pulling so many manipulation tactics especially the suicide one… Honestly it was so scarily convincing but I for help from.fsmily to call him out on that trick and he isn’t pulling. Any more stunts now he knows I’m strong enough and determined to protect myself and call on family when needed… So he’s finally cooperating now all on my terms with be divorce… He still has the odd wobble we both do… But no more games as I literally just am absolutely past caring now .. and that’s when I knew I was ready

I am sure you are nearly there …. Just ensure you keep safe and have an escape plan , never underestimate the lengths they may go to when they know they are losing control

Hi Missnobody, i totally get where you’re coming from. I’m so close to leaving, I’ve packed up so much of my personal stuff, visited charity shops, thrown stuff out, I was so adamant last week this was it. I haven’t changed my mind, I just don’t feel so sore now. My oh is also just being fine, but he did something so disrespectful, so hurtful, I can’t let his behaviour continue, I just can’t. I’ve been reminding myself, reading over entries in my journals, listening to recordings of his threats and anger. It should be strengthening my resolve, but now I feel I’m just going through the motions. I’m not feeling sorry for him or guilty about leaving, I feel detached, I think that’s the right word. It’s me but it’s not me

I think when we leave we do feel a sense of relief, but then I’m not going to lie it hits us. The first while is hard but with time the days in between get better and then two forward one back if you know what I mean. Recovery is hard but the journey makes us stronger xx I hope you both have better days to come I’m sure you will 💙💕💪sister suffragettes 😊love diymum x

They definitely know when they’ve lost us … My ex insists he thought I’d started having an affair and he was much much nicer in the last couple of months trying to throw it all in my face when I said it was over. They will be nice and then play the victim when you leave

Just take baby steps towards your escape , … One day , you will know when it’s right , you will leave and be free x.

God this sounds exactly the same as my husband 🙄 hes currently doing exactly the same and of course im saying i am still attracted to him too as how can you say youre not.

Hes now saying he doesnt want a maid but a wife who loves him and shows an interest in him abd i dont.

Sometimes i think he wants out too but nedds to be the victim.

Hi Missnobody, well done in getting away. I’ve came across this post after reading your other one but still wanted to reply to this. Can you come off social media, that way you won’t see his family writing such awful stuff. You could always get the police to have a word with them. It’s not too late to get outside help. A lawyers letter as well. Writing untruths and spreading lies is libel (I think), talking to people is slander(I think). His family are acting like his flying monkeys and there is always people nasty enough or naive enough to pass on his lies or fake feelings of remorse. They may be real to him, but he’s only remorseful because he’s lost someone to abuse, not that he’s genuinely sorry and will change. If you are in contact with him, he will use this time to continue to abuse you, just like he is.
No you’re not the person he fell in love with, he made sure of that. Now you are a survivor of his abusiveness and now you know you are worth more,than his kind of love.
Keep posting, well help you through this.
Have you filled out the online disclosure form re(known as Clare’s Law) domestic abuse. It’s available through your police authority e.g., police Scotland, metropolitan police. It’s confidential,but it makes him known to the police and if he does this again with any other partners, all they’ll have to do is ask for a disclosure form too. You never know, someone may already have asked for one regarding him already. Take care of yourself, you’re doing so well,even if you don’t feel it.
IWMB 💞💞

You are so right, they don’t matter. What matters is you are safe and the house is as peaceful as it can be with children in it, but they can feel safe being children now. I was constantly telling mine to not rock the boat, if you just did what he said he’ll not get angry. How is that right. My daughter has my traits(nearly said temper but it’s not, it’s knowing what you want and won’t accept from others) I’ve always had that but he’s made me believe im selfish only think of oneself, all right when I’m getting something, but I’ve now seen that that was part of the cycle of abuse. After a bigger situation during the week, he’d always go somewhere at the weekend and spend money on me. I never associated the two together before but it dawned on me a few years ago, now he doesn’t do that as he knows I no longer want to be ‘bought’. Now he’s more likely to do something around the house to make up for ‘losing it’, but has also not bothered even doing that anymore. He just expects me to forgive or forget his moments, as what’s done is done and should be in the past, yet it’s okay for him to hold a grudge, which of course he says he never does.
It’s only human to miss him, miss the good times, the nicer times. The brain is an amazing tool, it protects us from so much but will let us remember things too when it knows we can cope with it. I wish you every happiness, safety and peace in your new life without him, one I know I will have very soon. It’s the ‘final countdown’ for me, been playing that and ‘it’s my life’ a few times now, my go to anthems. Also came across, ‘someday I’ll fly away’ by Randy Crawford
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

the thing is theyre controlling so theyre never going to give up. this is the time to go no contact with him and his family as much as you possibly can. through child contact you can use a third party to communicate thats still being reasonable and its not good for the kids seeing you upset by him. take a step back now for your own sanity and bury your guilt (because its not your guilt it his) reach out to WA – take steps to keep him away from you its time for you to put yur foot down and you have every right to do this he has broken the law – the coersive control laws and he has physically assaulted you – thats real his family are miimising for him its the way this works – its time to take control xx much love diymum

Well done for leaving him and sorry yes they do not let you go without a fight
.they are determined to make it as horrible and difficult as possible… I agree with others best way is no contact at all … But if you must be in contact keep it strictly to only discussing contact with children …but they are so cunning and they know every button to press .
. Do you have family that can help with contacting on childcare arrangments?