3rd party child contact arrangements

[Lifebegins]

Hi All

After a brief and somewhat peaceful few months, I find myself now posting on here again over the last few weeks. I have a non-molestation order and arrange child contact through a 3rd party who is my ex’ family member as I have no family/friends near by to help. It’s worth mentioning this 3rd party is totally supportive of my ex and not me.

All was going ok for quite a while. We had made arrangements via solicitors and both parties were sticking to these until recently. Then at short notice my ex advised via the 3rd party in quite an antagonistic email that he couldn’t do certain dates. Ended up costing me a lot of money in sols fees and mediation and my time to cover the dates that he should have been doing but eventually it was resolved. I hoped this was a blip but no such luck. A few weeks later another member of his family (not the 3rd party) contacted me about out of the blue and asked me to change dates to suit them. I ignored the message as I haven’t heard anything from this person in a long time and I don’t think I should be being contacted by all and sundry to make changes to contact arrangements. Then most recently, I was contacted by the 3rd party to make changes to the handover arrangements. I can’t go into too much detail but I wasn’t agreeable and explained my reasons and they seemed fine with this. So for the latest visit, the 3rd party contacted me a usual a few days beforehand to confirm times and collection arrangements and assured me a 3rd party would be with my child when I went to pick up. However, when I got to the pick up point, my child was on their own and told me that my ex was at the bottom of the road watching them until I arrived. My child didn’t/wouldn’t tell me why the 3rd party wasn’t there and I have received no explanation from the 3rd party why they weren’t present.

I was literally shaking. The 3rd party lied to me and basically coerced me into attending the collection point knowing full well my ex would be there albeit not in plain sight. I would not have agreed to the visit if he was going to be in the vicinity when I collected my child and surely for my own protection (and my child’s safety waiting alone) I have a right to know and agree to who is going to be with my child at the collection point? Has anyone had any experience of this? How does me having a non-molestation order impact this? And what action do you think I can take now? I know I need to contact my solicitor but I’m trying to keep legal costs to a minimum whilst I do some research before seeking their advice and can’t find anything online re: women having similar experiences.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated x*x

[iliketea]

I’m so sorry, similar going on with me, must be some sort of clock they’re all on too, as well as the Book of Bad Behaviour that “they” all seem to read. Hopefully someone with knowledge will reply soon. In the meantime, could you call the police as I think they are the enforcers of the non-mol? Could call they’re DA team and ask advice. There must be something that says that isn’t right at all, and not safe for you or your child.
Sending strength. Will keep thinking for answers. xx

[diymum@1]

Handover at a contact centre would be a much safer option xx

[Lifebegins]

hi iliketea and diymum@1

Thanks for responding. I looked into using a child contact centre right at the beginning but the nearest one is way too far from where I live. I’m thinking that it possibly could be a breach of the non-molestation order but I’m actually dreading having to involve the police again. I’ll be the bad guy again as far as my son is concerned and my ex the victim. Never mind that my ex knows it’s not acceptable behaviour but he did it anyway. But if I have to contact the police, I will do it. And maybe it will actually support me extending my non-molestation order as quite clearly even with it in place, he still thinks he can control and coerce me into doing what he wants.

Anyway, I’ve bit the bullet and will be speaking to my solicitor tomorrow. More money I can’t afford. I need to find a way to put a stop to his behaviour. Has anyone had any experience of a court order putting a stop to it? Any ideas ladies would be gratefully received! xx

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