A backwards step today

[Indeepindance]

Hey all, I hope you’re all okay.

I’m posting again after a gap, as can feel I’ve slid backwards last couple of days despite having felt not too bad last few days.

Its a short one, but how do others feel about a partner who tells you to shut up or pipe down during disagreements?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts

Xxxxx

 

[Lisa]

Hi Indeepindance,

Sorry that you’re feeling in a backslide. Making progress is hard, it takes time to fully process things and that’s okay. You might just need a rest and to treat yourself with some kindness, that’s often a part of healing. As to your question, that kind of behaviour is disrespectful and shows that a partner doesn’t value you or your experience, doesn’t want to know what you’re feeling or thinking. Over time, that can impact your self-worth and sense of self in general. It’s controlling because the message is that you don’t matter as an individual, that your partner is always right and you should go by what they say because their words and self have greater value and importance.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Indeepindance]

Thanks Lisa, I have felt exhausted this week and not left the house much, definitely listened to my body which seems to be aching.

I’ve noticed I’m angry and short tempered with others too, but can hide it luckily.

I feel like I’m seeing disrespect almost everywhere now. Someone told me I don’t eat enough e.g. and I felt enraged by this assumption and audacity to say this to me.

It’s helpful to hear that being told to shut up is disrespectful as I had come to think I was being annoying so needed telling. But still felt something was off.  If I ever asked HIM to stop ranting at me, he would continue of course. So as a fiercely independent woman I hated myself for allowing him to silence me.

But still kept questioning myself that maybe he was right and I was going about it all wrong.

I’m determined to unpick myself from his enduring mind control eventually- thanks for the booster.

Xxxxx

[Karisqq]

When he told me to shut up, I felt unheard. It’s like he wants to make me listen to him and agree with him, feel like I belong to him, and feel like my autonomy is not respected. I also cannot control my anger when he tries to silence me and make me follow him, since I do not feel valued and I also feel like I’m ‘under’ him, he seems to always think that he’s the better one or the more superior one, which I always cannot stand for since I value fairness and independence.

[Indeepindance]

Thanks Karisqq,

It made me feel so squashed too, and humiliated. I felt a lesser person but also very angry like you did. How did your anger show through? Did he know that’s how you felt?

Mine was hard to suppress, sometimes I had to though but it felt so wrong, like I was violating and cheating myself.

When it did come out I would shout like mad which either shocked him or angered him, or just cry in sheer frustration.

I wasn’t allowed to take time out or go for a walk to cool off as that was labelled childish.

I could never understand why he felt so superior or all-knowing when he was clearly often wrong

And even if he was right, I’d have received it better if he was kind in his delivery. He was just plain rude.

Xxxxx

[Author]

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