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Well my day started off being called an idiot, stupid, pathetic and all sorts as he was frustrated I didn’t understand something. I asked repeatedly to stop name calling there was no need. After the hundredth insult I lost my cool in front my daughter and I swore. To which I later apologised to both as I was upset with myself. But besides this the argument got out of control, basically I have been threatened with my life if I take our daughter, they have said they will discredit me as a mother as I said well good luck cause I have a good job and I am the most loving to our daughter I give her everyday. They have threatened to (detail removed by Moderator) to make people think I am bad as well. Honestly some days it’s so horrible, it’s draining and I want out. The worst is they don’t see their behaviour as awful, they throw it back at me, they justify their behaviour. I know I need to be brave and go but it’s so hard. They just walked in the room to say they told their mother we are getting divorced some sick game I am sure.
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Hello Jeeves
I am so sorry to hear the day you’ve had, and its clear you know this is all wrong on so many levels, and a miserable situation for you and your daughter. If she’s within earshot when he’s calling you names or abusing you, then that is also child-abuse.
He is showing you how ittle he cares for either of you, and he has made threats on your life. These need to be taken very seriously, even if you doubt it yourself, its not a chance to take, and its vital you get some help to keep yourself and your daughter safe from him.
Do keep posting and asking all you need. Its better to talk and start to process the implcations of all this on yourself and your daughter.
Warmest wishes
ts
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Remember these days well, all the threats towards me if I left him, all the insults of my parenting. The fact he’s doing all this infront of your child I now realise, shows how little he cares about her. Don’t underestimate the impact on your daughter. We also desensitise ourselves and have been conditioned to stop realising just how unacceptable threats on our lives actually are!
It is incredibly hard to leave but keeping notes of these type of days really helped me when leaving and post getting out. You deserve so much more xx
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My husband used to tell me all the time he wanted a divorce and told everyone including his mother. Since we got married he’s been saying it.
He did nothing – absolutely nothing about it.
I eventually instigated it and he couldn’t believe it. His face dropped and he didn’t know which way to turn.
The reason? I took control of the situation and he hated it. These men love control, that’s the bottom line. He knows the reaction he will get when he mentions divorce. Next time tell him to do it,calmly, instead of telling his mother.it might just save your life.
They make us think we need them , we don’t. We need love respect and kindness.
I’ve had endless name calling and I’m ashamed to say I would get caught up in it. They want to embroil is in the fight. They want a reaction and feed off it. They actually are not angry but very much in control – it’s an act.
Get support from the local domestic violence agencies and the police.
Put plans in place and keep posting. -
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Jeeves you are not alone I stay for those glimpses of good moments too. Its why thwt allow them to happen they keep us here.
My counsellor tells me not to feed the beast. Not to engage when mine tells he im ugly useless hes gonna leave then i am sjplosed to simply say ok im sorry you feel that way you do what you need to and walk away calmly. It isnt an easy thing to do my usual reaction is to stay silent let him get it out a d then cry alone in the bathroom.
We do wbat we do to keep ojrselves sane and safe I guess.
But if you are feeling brave next time try it say in your head dont feed the beast and stay calm and just say thats your opinion etc and walk away into another room or if thats not safe remain but dont engage? But above all stay safe x*x
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