A day of victory for the mindset

[Swan123]

All this time I have been trying but underlying I have been in two minds whether I can make things happen. I did two things this last 24 hours which have given me hope. 1) Got in touch with new lawyers. I’ve been on a waiting list for months to be seen…so actually made contact with some others. I had sat on the fact I was on a waiting list, as this had given me a sense of ‘he might change’. I’ve woken up to, he will never change. 2) I spoke with my parents properly, the first time in months and months…I was becoming isolated from talking, feeling possible judgement, worry etc…and didn’t want to burden them. They listened for the first time in a long time…I asked them if they would help to support me financially if I needed. They don’t live anywhere near me and haven’t seen them for over (detail removed by Moderator) thanks to lockdown. Whilst I have been feeling stuck this whole time, something about the conversation I had with them made me feel very liberated, and I know they will look after me somehow no matter what he does to me…for that I feel blessed. Today he’s been rotten, but I feel I’m going to be ok. For the first time in a long time. I am not alone, I have the children…He won’t leave/file for divorce…so it’s down to me – to have him removed, even though I’m financially dependent on him. I can do this. I just have to keep telling myself it’s possible. I can. I thank @kip who has always given me a perspective on sorting out things and getting me to see he can’t change, because he won’t. I don’t know the legalities of what I think I can/cannot do…I just know I can find a way out of this. I have to keep choosing it, with every bone and breath in my body, even though that may feel a push – I can.

[KIP.]

Hey, well done you! Abuse thrives on silence and keeping secrets like that is very destructive for our health so no wonder you feel better sharing that burden. Just keep taking baby steps x

[Empoweredhealing]

You have made some enormous strides, congratulations!

[Harriet123]

Reading your post has been so encouraging. I keep feeling as though I should tell my parents the full story of what’s been going on as I think it would then give me the push to finally get out of this relationship.

I think I’m going to tell my mum tomorrow when we go for a walk. I know both my parents will be supportive of me and look after me but I also feel scared as I don’t want to put a burden on them.

Reading that you felt the same but had the courage to speak to them has given me that little extra push to hopefully also speak to mine when I see them.

I hope you are doing ok and well done for being strong! Xx

[Hetty]

You absolutely CAN. Power to you. Xx

[Trueblue]

Hi Swan123, ah must be something in the air in exact same position! You can do it, we can do it! We are being enlightened. Im speaking with solicitor (detail removed by moderator). He will not leave. You are certainly not alone, we are all in this together i promise. Let us know how you get on xx

[Swan123]

and I have been rather quiet…I hope you are all doing ok. (detail removed by Moderator) I had the courage to talk to the police and he was charged – another step in the right direction. I have been so inspired by listening to others on here. Keep pushing forth for those moments or robust vulnerability where we get some help whatever shape or form that takes. xx

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