A family that only contacts me when they want to use me

[weather]

Dear All,

I am writing to some of you that may be able to relate to economic coercive domestic abuse by family members. I met my brother after not seeing him for a very long time and it was obvious from the start that he was only meeting up with me to gain access to my assets and get a free lunch. The meeting was a real let down and I felt as if I was meeting my ex-abusive husband again. I don’t want to meet my brother again and have blocked him from my phone. I’m also being denied an equal share of my dead father’s inheritance and all of my family have always referred to him as ‘the old man’ my mother married. My family used my father when he was alive and often call me him when I am my own person. I lost my father when I was a teenager and there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t miss my dad. He is often referred to as the loser dad and other inappropriate names. My father wasn’t perfect and subjected my mother to a lot of domestic abuse, which she took out on me by abusing me for most of my former and early adult life. When I got married without her consent she called me a lot of inappropriate names and sided with my ex-abusive husband when I decided to leave him. As a young person, I had to financially help my mother and salacious step-father out. Again, this all happened when I was very young and into my adult life as a young person. When the family could no longer coerce me they decided to have nothing to do with me and use shallow culturally appropriated ideas to try and make me feel irrelevant, which is what I experienced from my brother when I last met him. I don’t owe any of my family members ANYTHING! I feel as if I needed to write this message as I am sure that there must be some of you who can relate to my story. I feel as if I’ve had enough stolen from me and there comes a time when you just have to say no more. I also don’t believe ‘blood is thicker than water’ and mien certainly isn’t.

Thank you for reading a segment of my story.

Please keep well and safe,

Weather

[Lisa]

Thank you for sharing with us, Weather. I hope it has helped to write your post about what you have been through and how you are feeling. It sounds like you are very aware of the abuse and tactics used by abusive people within your family.

Keep posting when you can, it can really help.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[fearful feather]

I just wanted to reply, probably not to help, but to empathise with the dawning reality that I have too ended up in an abusive relationship because I had normalised the behaviour I was subjected to as a child by my mother. I literally jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. (detail removed by moderator) and having worked hard at a marriage that I compensated all of my personality, hopes and dreams, as well as money, thinking that “it’s me” with this niggling tooth ache of unhappiness, it all came to a head upon the death of my father and my mother’s constant demanding from me, in the line of “duty”. (detail removed by moderator). my mother is a total demanding, soul destroying woman who leaves me feeling wretched. She makes me feel obligated, yet tells me I have ruined her life, created so many problems, despite my husband being charged it is my fault and she would rather have gone to my funeral than be “dragged in” to my divorce (which I have never shared any of my fears, worries etc) she has never asked me if I am ok or said a simple thank you for any of the many, many things I drop everything of mine to do for her. Right now, I feel very alone and hated for standing my ground and I have no idea what will happen with the CPS etc in respect of my husband as I don’t know anyone who has been through any of this. (detail removed by moderator), but my mother won’t even acknowledge that this isn’t my own doing and I haven’t somehow made up the whole thing just to upset her. Sorry to hijack your post Weather, I hope things improve for you <3

[Author]

Posts