This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Iwantmeback 5 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #70392

    Really trying to work things out in my head so Im sorry for keep posting, ive got the online freedom programme so hoping it helps

    He says “you s**g” or “shut up” its supposed to be funny and it means he’s feeling sexy, its a turn off. Ive told him I don’t like it. Its said to often. Just makes me wonder what he really thinks of women.

    Im not a prude and sometimes in the bedroom it maybe fun, a time and a place.

    Then I think I should lighten up, its a joke isn’t it?

  • #70395

    It’s not a joke. It’s not funny. You have asked him to stop. It’s abuse.

    I know people sometimes use swear words as a joke. Or make fun of friends as a joke. But if you find it upsetting it isn’t a joke.

    I have a cousin with whom I used to playfight. It was very much in jest. Even though he was bigger and stronger than me he never hurt me and I was never scared. It was a joke. It was fun. Then when my abuser pinned me down or restrained me or hurt me he would bring up this cousin and how I enjoyed playfighting and it was just a joke and why was I overreacting. I wasn’t overreacting. I felt unsafe. I didn’t like it and had asked him to stop and he wouldn’t. It wasn’t play fighting at all. It was abuse and intimidation. It’s scary how much this happens. Our gut IS telling us that this isn’t ok, but we are so lost in the abuse that we can’t trust that that is our gut instinct.

  • #70396

    Hi chocolatebunny, it’s not a joke. My oh calls me those words too, yet when I object, his reply is but you’re my wh..e,s..g, s..t. He also calls ALL women these names, he’s very much a mys….ist, chau…ist and any other ist you care to add. When someone says or does something that hurts or offends you and they don’t stop doing it, that’s abuse. It’s going to take a lot of education to teach society this rule in general, never mind men who’ve spoken this way for generations.

    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70522

    There’s nothing either funny or sexy about those phrases. Particularly if you don’t like them.

  • #70525

    I don’t get the joke either. If you called him a dip stick or a (removed by moderator) would he find it funny? Or if you told him you liked gagging men with duct tape for fun? Er I don’t think so. He is saying horrible and demeaning things to you especially when you have explicitly told him you don’t like it. Yuck. Vile man. Please keep a diary. Write down everything!

  • #70532

    Maddog, my husband would turn round and say, now you’re talking my language. He thinks talking like this with a smile makes it non-abusive, non-derogatory. To me I see the snake from jungle book when he smiles at me now.
    IWMB 💕💕

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