a Letter to my mom

[Anonymous]

Dear Mom

I know it is silly to post this on the forum, but I hope someday you will be able to read this either on the forum or in a letter, or that I will be able to tell you in person.

I am really sorry that you feel I have abandoned you. That you feel you have done something wrong and that is why I am pushing you away. I am sorry that I always just reply and say you are being too sensitive. Please know that You have done nothing wrong, but shower me with love. I wish I could tell you why I am cocooning myself and keeping myself from you.

I am sorry for all those times that you wanted me to visit you and everytime I have some sort of excuse, its just that I am tired of fighting. Fighting to be able to see you or speak to you or even just ask how you are doing. I feel numb as everytime I speak of you, it turns into aggression and neither my body, nor my mind can stand it anymore.

I am sorry that the time you had a stroke, I only came to visit you once and only for a few minutes. I couldnt stand the thought of losing you, but he fought with me once again and said you are not dead so why would I want to go see you. My heart broke into a thousand pieces. What would I have done if you passed away and I only saw you for a few minutes, because I was to cowardly too stand up to him, too afraid that he might do something. I know you needed me and I know it broke your heart knowing I wasnt there. For that I am truly sorry, I wish I could turn back time and take away your heartache, and your illness for that matter.

Thank you for always buying me new clothes and shoes, even though you dont have the money for it. I am sorry that it breaks your heart that I dont wear them and that he told you it is because I dont like it. I know it broke your heart, it did mine too. I wish I could wear it and just make you happy, but I know what would happen if I do.

Thank you for wanting to give me your only pair of warm shoes so that I dont have to suffer in the winter with cold feet. Again, I am so sorry for saying I dont want them, but I know it wouldve ended up in a closet or dustbin and that he would refuse for me to wear them. I know you can make more use of it.

Thank you for everything you do for me. I am sorry that I cant even reply to your message after you bought me a brand new phone after he broke the previous one. I know that you feel I dont appreciate what you do, but I would rather not reply, then have him braking something you bought me.. again

Mom, I feel like a coward. I have so many things to say sorry for. I feel that I have let you down and I try to fix it, but it is only getting worse. I feel like a coward, because I used to fight with him if he said bad things about you and even though he would turn aggressive, I would still stand up for you. Lately he has become very aggressive and if I just try to stand up for you, it turns very bad very quickly. I do not have the courage to stand up against him anymore.

If I could turn back time, I would never allow him to force me to hurt you.

For all the hurt I caused you, I am truly sorry and please know that I do care. I do wish to speak to you and ask you how you are doing. I am so tired of letting you down and just wish things could change for the better.

Thank you for being the best mom you could be, please dont let anyone tell you differently.

xox

[godschild]

What a beautiful letter, it has given me a lump in my throat, so heartfelt and sincere, does she know about what he does to you. My own son is estranged form me at present and it is heartbreaking and to read a daughter write this their mom is awesome, are you going to send it to her im sure it would mean so so much, you have a beautiful heart towards your Mom xx

[Anonymous]

Hi Godschild

Thank you so much. My mom does not know, I am not sure if I will be able to tell her. It will break her heart, she really loves him and accepted him as a son, but I do hope one day I have the courage to tell her. I know my behavior now is absolutely heartbreaking to her.

I am really sorry to hear about your son. I know its the worst for a mother not to be able to talk to their children. I hope he comes to his senses and that the two of you sort out whatever it is keeping you apart. After all, children cant stay mad at their mom for too long:)

xox All my love

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

It’s a beautiful letter of genuine love.
Please read your own writing and ask yourself what you would advice your own daughter to do if you knew she was being abused…
I could write a similar letter to my mum just for knowing now what SHE went through to become a total shell now, unable to think and act for herself…if only I could find the courage to talk to her, and her to me…
I hope your loving mum receives your letter. By sending it to us, I think you are acknowledging you need to plan what you want to do, you seem to still hide the true reality of what you live, your letter gives me shivers because it’s like a cry for help, you apologise a lot but you sound like a true victim, you are almost talking to yourself, you are trying to find the courage necessary to make big changes to your life but you sound so so so scared..
I dont know what country you are from, what your religion is, what your ethnicity is, but the fact that you are reaching out for help and advice may lead you in the right direction.
Please don’t put yourself in danger any more…you are severely abused. I was shocked by your previous post.
If you were my daughter, I would understand your letter as a cry for help, a cry for support and change, despite what I suspect hopefully correctly is culturally accepted in your role as a wife…maybe I am wrong but your expressions are in tune with a highly structured, gender and role guided culture. But maybe I am wrong…
Whatever the case, your letter is beautiful, and if I were your mum, I would feel loved and cherished and respected, but equally extremely scared for you. I hope your mum reads it and helps you, saves you.
You are an angel.

[Anonymous]

Hi Bridget Jones

Thank you so much. I never thought of it the way you mentioned above, it was a real eye opener. I never thought of it as crying out for help, it just tears me into a thousand pieces seeing my mom hurt like that and not being able to tell her what is going on. I think and hope that one day I would have the courage to create my own change and just get away from everything. I sometimes feel that I am in denial of what he is doing to me, as I just cant get myself to leave and live a better life. I also fear the life of my family as they are all I have and I love them dearly. I do not want anything to happen to them. I am sure one day my mom would be able to read this.

I am sorry to hear about you and your mom. I do hope you can sort stuff out with her, she is your mom and I know whatever happens, she will always love you and be there for you.

Thank you for all the support

xox

[Author]

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