A living hell with him

[PRETTYWOMAN]

I am living in hell and I dont know how to escape. I am going through a mental break down and suffer with
OCD
(removed by moderator)
I cannot sit for long periods
Im constantly dizzy
The trauma, anxiety and stress he’s put on me has disabled me from being able to cook for myself.
If I go to a refuge I would need to do this, but how?
I have no money
I have hardly any clothing
I can’t think straight
I have no friends or family
Fear is gripping me I’m in my 50’s and Ive never in my life been alone
How do I cope, please someone help me

[Pastlife]

Dear Prettywoman

Have you told anyone else? that is the first step, to access a safe place for yourself. In time you will feel better and then you will feel able to try new things and learn to look after yourself. PLease, people will understand.

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Hello Pastlife, yes, I have explained this to Women’s Aid and Adult Social Care, and asked for a carer to help me, but it’s difficult they said. I’m in one hell of a dilemma. I cannot go to refuge. I’ve been in one and I struggled so much so, that I had not eaten in 2 days. I then had to call HIM to get me back with HIM in order just to eat and survive. I fear going into a refuge alone, and I despise been with HIM. So what do I do?

I need to get to a GP he won’t take me, I also have no money to get to one. He took me to the GP the last time and I asked for help, the GP called the police, he was hovering around HE then realized the police was there.

I was taken to police station and questioned for about 3 hours, and all they did was try and get me to a safe place which was not avail at the time, this was (removed by moderator). I eventually ended up in a communal refuge which was a horror, I could not cope. Now I am back with him and because I spoke to police at the GP surgery he won’t take me again to see a GP tells me to take a taxi, again I say – no money for taxi. What I need is hospital to check to see if I am Bipolar…I need adequate medication and a home with a carer. I’m scared!!

[PRETTYWOMAN]

I was so…….normal before this 🙁
Feels like I am losing “Me”
Im even struggling to groom myself properly.
I was never like this before.
My hair is falling out rapidly

[KIP.]

Try to get a telephone consultation with the GP?

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Hello Kip, I’ve just moved to a new area with HIM….
I need to first register with a GP this is my problem, to get there? He also said I am to register with a GP he does not go to. But like I said: to get to this GP …he won’t take me

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Earlier I mentioned in my first post I am not able to cook, the fear and trauma has blocked this ability as he belittles every move I make. (removed by moderator). He is now out and will be back to see how I (removed by moderator).

I have a (removed by moderator) which takes 25-30min to cook in a preheated oven.
(detail removed by moderator)
This does sound nuts I know, but to me “timing’ is very important.

This is so embarrassing 🙁
I could make you anything (removed by moderator) ago:-( I was a kitchen wizard before all this.

[PRETTYWOMAN]

I am so dizzy I can’t think straight, most of the time it feels like I have had
2 bottles of wine, when in fact I have not, this is why I cannot perform a “simple task” 🙁
Is it the anxiety or lack of sleep? I cannot sleep and Im never hungry.

I did research and they say when you traumatised, have
anxiety and under major stress one cannot even perform “simple tasks” or am I going mad?
Even both my ears buzz and sounds like a lawnmower. When I sit for say 5 min and get up Im dizzy.
I need to pace the floor

[PRETTYWOMAN]

(Detail removed by moderator)
so that I can regulate our heating in this house as it is extremely boiling (removed by moderator)I need to keep the heat on downstairs and in turn it makes upstairs even hotter.
He has sabotaged the heating in this house he controls it via an app Im sure.
(Detail removed by moderator)
I am about to crack by this man!!! I freeze in this house downstairs, and upstairs it’s boiling hot.

[queenmaeve]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, it does sound like a breakdown to me. Do you have access to a phone? has he been hitting you? I would call the Police x

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Hello Queenmaeve, no he has not been hitting me, he just like pushes me around, I’ve lost (removed by moderator) and am very small and weak. He is extremely intimidating and shouts on the top of his voice, when he cooks he slams the kitchen doors closed (removed by moderator). I have spoken to Police they can only detain him for the night then he is back to this house and I am trapped here…so what does that help me? He will give me more hell.

(removed by moderator) night he pulled on me to shove me out the house…I had nowhere to go and you know how freezing it is outside.
(removed by moderator)

[Lisa]

Hi PRETTYWOMAN,

I’m sorry you are struggling at the moment and it’s clear you’ve tried to get help before.
It’s concerning to learn how this is obviously affecting your emotional and psychological health. However know that you are not ‘going mad’; this is the result of enduring trauma and abuse. There have been some helpful posts recently, however you mention being limited by your finances and mobility, which definitely makes getting help more difficult.
Ultimately we all want to ensure you manage to get some sort of help as soon as possible, so you don’t just feel trapped in your situation.
Could you possibly call the 24 hour NHS 111 service? Or even 999 should you feel in need of immediate help to leave the property and be safe. I know you mentioned you have engaged with the police before, but it is always still an option.
No Panic on 0844 967 4848 are a support service you can call (10 am – 10 pm daily). Supportline are perhaps another option for emotional support. You can call them on 01708 765 200. They also have an online/email support service.
Ultimately I understand there’s longer-term support needed and like you say, signing up with a new GP who can provide more in-depth care is what you could really benefit from.
I hope for now these few numbers can provide some level of help at this point.
All the best,

Lisa

[PRETTYWOMAN]

He owes people money I get an email in my spam box from these people, I asked him why am I getting an email from them
the same morning he got a letter in the post redirected from old addy to new one. I contacted the company and asked them if they could remove my email addy…I mentioned to him that I contacted them (should not have) today he asks me if I gave his mobile number to them as he suddenly got a call from them…I tell him “No I didn’t” back via text.
He walks in and asks me again – I said to him “I answered you via text read your text msg” he shouts
Tell me to my face you didnt give them my number.

Cooking still hasn’t started not even the plum sauce which he insists on. Raising my anxiety levels one notch higher.

Lisa thank you for your message…I will try those numbers when he isn’t around.
He told me last night he was not going to be home tonight and was sleeping out. He constantly moves the goal posts and is extremely inconsistent with me. I was going to make my escape tonight. But now he is home for the night, its very difficult to plan anything with him. He also said he was going away for 2 weeks in Dec. He didnt go.

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Lisa….thank you but how can they help me?

No Panic on 0844 967 4848 are a support service you can call (10 am – 10 pm daily). Supportline are perhaps another option for emotional support. You can call them on 01708 765 200. They also have an online/email support service.

What is Supportline’s email or online service please? This man watches me like a hawk

[queenmaeve]

Please don’t take this the wrong way but have you considered contacting The Samaritans? are you able to use your phone when he is in the house? I really think that you need to be seen by a GP

[diymum@1]

He sounds so controlling in a very covert way. He is making you feel like your going crazy and this is what abusive men do. Reach out for help online you can email your gp the clinical Mail box should be available. Womens aid is online too. You can’t go on like this xx much love diymum xx

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Hello Queenmaeve, thank you for your reply.
I have not contacted the Samaritans yet. I would think they the same as Woman’s Aid?
Do they do the same thing as Woman’s Aid?
Cant touch my phone while he’s in the house cant talk, even when I text someone he freaks out and
shouts at me “(removed by moderator)”
I know I need to be seen by a GP but he wont take me and I have no money.

Let me explain: he is self employed and comes and goes when he likes, so its very difficult to
contact Samaritans or anyone as I never know when he will be out or home. I am not allowed to ask any
questions about his comings or goings. He is extremely inconsistent. Yesterday he went out early in the morning
then suddenly he was home at around (removed by moderator) then he left and I was actually on the phone to Woman’s Aid when he just walked in. That was extremely tricky

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Diymum@1 thank you too for your reply. We moved to a new area, I have not even registered with a GP yet.
He is extremely controlling, and yes I feel like I am going crazy.

[diymum@1]

He won’t be helping your other conditions for sure hun ❤️I’m sorry you feel so stuck. Maybe if you online chatted with WA they could get an advocate for you? Sounds like you need the support to do this as we all do. I know that sometimes refuge is a self contained flat. You could ask don’t give up I know it looks a very steep hill to climb but keep chipping away like you doing coming on here xx your getting there u just don’t know it but uve already taken the first step xx

[PRETTYWOMAN]

diymum@1 Thank you for your concern and message.
Wishful thinking getting an advocate from Woman’s Aid.
Fighting him while I am living with him? No chance, he will give me all the hell under the sun. Been in a self-contained flat will be a problemmy trauma, anxiety has left me unable to cook for myself, when once I was a wizard in the kitchen
Its even a struggle to get to GP (removed by moderator).
Im new in the area and he makes sure he only uses UBER (he only uses them for every (removed by moderator), he’s never done this before, this is a new stunt) I must make sure I dont use them as he has befriended the local uber drivers. I have to find another taxi service and alot have bad reviews. Not even pitching, can you imagine having a GP appointment and they dont pitch?

[PRETTYWOMAN]

How does a person live with a man who shouts at you everytime he speaks to you ((removed by moderator) of constant shouting when you going through a mental breakdown) and also tells you “I hate you with a passion” and “you ugly f*** c**nt insults you all day long, belittles everything you do or say, argues over petty things and then cooks for you and you sit opposite him and he insists on asking “(removed by moderator)” waiting for me to say anything and heaven forbid if I criticise the food. Shouts at you if you put the heating on. Runs your whole family down. You see memories of when things were good all around you. Tells you to choose between him or your children and grandchildren, calls them scrotes and b****s**d everyday all day long most mornings he’s here. Talks to neighbours and tells you he has told them why he is being nasty to you

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Question: When going into a refuge what do you take with you?

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Lisa NO PANIC Helpline
0844 967 4848

*Everyday 10am-10pm. Calls Charged at 5ppm + access charge

ouch with someone with no money

[diymum@1]

Try to do get one small thing at a time – email WA on the online chat. See what’s available – I know there’s lots if barriers for you but you have no alternative really but to forge ahead xx otherwise your life is going to stay like this – you might be classed as a vulnerable adult so mayb they could help you get him out of the house by means of an order. You could get a package of care from the counsel to help cook etc? X there’s always a way 💪love diymum

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Hello diymum@1

Thank you for your response, I would do anything to get him out the house but how? I can’t even concentrate on liaising with a solicitor, besides I would need to get legal aid first, and I did that trying to divorce him, eventually the trauma was so great that I could not even get that done, my memory failed me everytime Legal aid asked me what certain payments were for into my bank accounts, I could not remember these payments and what they were for. It was extremely scary. I did not want to lie to them about where these payments came from or who they came from.
When he deserted me, I was without work, and money I had to sell a lot of household items when a payment came into my bank account it was not exactly itemised what it was for. Legal aid for a divorce can take time and 6 months down the line I had by then forgotten who paid me for what? Also we tried to reconcile, at the time of the divorce taking place, he insisted that I pull back the divorce. Foolishly I went back to him, and I told my solicitor if I was to carry on with the divorce, how on earth would I be able to attend court hearings as my mental capacity is not good and I cannot drive, he would have to take me to the court hearing…yeah right. (detail removed by moderator)….guess what?

Do you really seriously think he would take me to a court hearing when you sleeping with the enemy?

[diymum@1]

I think you would definitely need an advocate pretty woman xx one step at a time hun 💕🤗

[PRETTYWOMAN]

diymum@1 thank you again for your message….I can’t, I live with him and I suffer from agoraphobia he would have to post all my letters and whatever they need. Can you imagine him posting my divorce letters to my solicitor?
They ask for original bank statements etc. I cant use his printer as he has his office upstairs and my laptop is downstairs.

[diymum@1]

This must be so difficult for you – so your house bound really. I wonder if one off the support groups for agoraphobia would try to help. I’m keeping on because I can here how trapped you are I just don’t want you to give up xx keep reaching out ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Escapee]

Hi PW,

I hear that you’re exhausted, scared and feel like everything is beyond your control. My darling, there is ALWAYS a way. It may not be easy and you may need to claw your way ahead but don’t ever give up!

I was in a similar state to you, I get that you feel like you are dying (there, I’ve said it…. because that is exactly what it feels like).

You need to raise the alarm, call 111 and ask to be raised as a vulnerable adult. This will put many processes in place including, and especially, social services, as this is who you need. Go to a refuge – it may be awful, you may be panicked but it’s your first step. You need support to build yourself up again. Take everything they offer. If 111 doesn’t work get yourself to A&E, it sounds like you’re desperate for mental health support.

Please, please take a huge deep breath, dig down deep and fight for your life.

[Lisa]

Hi there Pretty Woman, Escapee and Diymum are so right, you really need to reach out for all of the support that you can. They have also given such good guidance about getting the support you deserve in place.

Best wishes

Lisa

[Hetty]

People are right. If you can’t get to them get someone to you ring 101 and speak with the police or 111. Get out to a place of safety. If you can gather important documents and small items you’ll need in a bag. Keep it hidden away. Everything else can be sorted out later. I’m so sorry you’re being treated this way. Find out where’s your local refuge is ❤️

[PRETTYWOMAN]

Hello everyone thank you for your messages much appreciated….I have been with the Police on the (detail removed by moderator) they then said they couldnt help with Immediate refuge and I would have had to go to the streets. My daughter who wants nothing to do with me because of all the trouble HE caused I went to her for (detail removed by moderator), she then used the (detail removed) Hospital as an excuse to get rid of me, I ended up there for about a week, all they did was take blood pressure and then they contacted the council, they then put me up in the (detail removed) and then from there I had to go to the council themselves, they sent me to two refuge places that was awful…as I said this trauma has rendered me not to be able to cook for myself….while in my room there was a communal kitchen where I could cook if I wanted to but I had no money or food I was starving, this was on Christmas day…I had to contact him to rescue me he did…but only because I am his muse….I dont want this happening again. I contacted Woman’s aid and all they said was that they would send me again to the place in (detail removed) that was awful…communal shower where there are men, cant take pj’s into shower and its situated in the hall way, the only thing u can take into the shower is a towel…they also only put the heating on a 4pm the place was a nightmare.

[diymum@1]

Have to thought bout sheltered housing or like supported accommodation xx I deal with people at work with agarophobia I know it stops them attending to really important health checks etc xx you sound like you need support love 💓 xx

[Author]

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