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Husband had picked argument with adult son (who has a list of his own issues) son retaliated by storming out of room and now husband is in the worse mood ever, with son, me and other son. He is bitter and twisted about his own childhood and often says his two sons have never given him much – it’s so messed up.I have never felt so worried/sick/desperate in my life. I dread each day and getting through them is torture as I worry about my sons and what this is doing to them. I want out so badly but don’t trust husband, as I know he would do things to make it impossible-it’s so complicated I just despair. Hope others are having a better time and feeling strong.
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I’m so sorry to hear this cornflake you and your sons don’t deserve this. Abuse is abuse there is never an excuse – no matter what his childhood. Abuse is a choice. Difficulties may well need unpicking and therapy but there is never a justification of hurting someone else. I hope you are able to reach out for support to help you navigate this. You deserve better x
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I have teenage sons and had to once seperate them during a drink filled fight instead of helping my husband shouted screamed and thretened the kids and one of them squared up to him which made things so so much worse. I ma aged to cool them all down but it took months for husband to forgive kid even though he caused the worst reaction. He tends to lush their buttons ive noticed he can be so critical of them especially whwn he is in a mood himself. It can be so tough you always feel on edge never relax never enjoy family time for fear of poking the beast.
Hkwever we stay, I dont know why but we do. Not much help am I sorry, Have you reached out? Talked this through with anyone? Its not easy but knowing you are not alone can make all the difference. Keep learning keep talking keep believeing.
Stay safe sweetie xxxxx -
Hi Cornflake
I’m also in the over 50s category and have been out for a small few years now. In the scheme of things it’s early days but I’m very happy.
I left late because, for complicated reasons (the usual reasons) it hadn’t occurred to me that my children and I were being abused. I left when my children were in their late teens.
If you do leave my honest answer is, yes, he will try to make it impossible. The word you need to focus on is “try”. Mine tried. My life was absolute hell for (detail removed by Moderator) after I left. But despite all his efforts, leaving was possible. Difficult but not impossible.
After that initial period things settled and I’m now taking toddler steps into my new life. I’m so happy. He can’t touch me anymore.
There are ways to leave. He can’t make it impossible if you get the right support. It sounds to me like your children would be very supportive and happy to leave with you.
Our abusers want us to believe that leaving is impossible, that they’ll make it impossible and whilst we’re caught up in the FOG of abuse, we do believe it.
The abusive egos believe they have far more power and influence than they do. It’s impossible for them to make it impossible. They’re just not that Influential.
All of that said, leaving can be very dangerous. The forum is a great place for advice and support. I got out because of the advice and support I received on here. You could also try your local domestic abuse charity. They should be able to help you work out a safe leaving plan and advise you about housing etc. It’s definitely worth looking into.
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Hello Cornflake,
Eggshells and I are on approx the same timeline and with many similarities in our situations and I want to echo what she has said. I’m not out of it yet, mine is still trying to make things difficult (and succeeding) but I know I’ll get there in the end. I think the most important thing is for you to speak to a lawyer, because it’s at that point that you realise that they don’t have quite as much power as they’d have you believe.
Mine was vile to our (young adult) children and I can now give them a safe haven away from him. Get as much support as you can, from anywhere and everywhere, and rise up against this man. You can do it. I did.
Keep coming back. We’re all here for you. x*x
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Isn’t it awful how our story’s all have similar traits. I am so thankful for this site, it gives me hope but for now that’s all I have as my adult sons are as stuck as me. It’s like living on a tinder box. All he does is blame them and have unsubtle digs at me – I am convinced he enjoys it in a twisted way. He’s such a hypocrite as with other people he reaches out and offers them the support they need-very twisted.
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Hi Cornflake
I too am in a very similar situation to you, age and family situation wise so I completely understand where you are coming from…yes it is a living hell.
I am at the stage now when I am going to call our local DA support office and get lawyer advice.
Have you done any reading around domestic abuse? I found that really helped me along with being on this forum with people that truly understand.
Take care honey x
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