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Every night when I go to bed shattered around 9-10pm I can not fall asleep until 1ish. I dont touch my phone (except to post tonight) Ive tried meditation music and mindfulness cds. When I finally collapse ans drift off I have constant nightmares of my ex and either what he did to me or what it will be like when I face him in court soon. This has been happening for about (detail removed by moderator) now ever since I found out the court date. Before then I would have nightmares but maybe 1-2 a week where now the dreams I do remember have him in it. I dreamt he was in my new home ( which he doesnt know where I live) and we were in bed and I was avoiding having sex with him as usual and he wrapped his arms around me from behind and I literally felt shivers down my spine. Hes always so physical and present in my dreams to the point I check hes not in my house when I wake up. I know he will never find me as a handful of family and closest 2 friends know where I actually.live and they hate his guts. However, I cannot get him out of my dreams. I wont think of him in the day/mention him but as soon as bedtime hits his disgusting memory invades my mind. I.truly hate him hes vile and someway in my mind I dont see what we had as a relationship even though we have a child thats how I cope I cut out the cling-ons in my life and somehow they dont exist to me so its frustrating that he exists in my dreams. I hope my ramble makes sense xx
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it really does make sense, and i have exactly the same. to me, from my experiences, it probably is because you have court coming up, which is causing you such stress as its facing you with lots of potentials of how it will be and what will happen.
it would have helped me SOOO much to know how proceedings would be managed and that i would have support and a chance to look around beforehand and be kept safe away from him.
please do ask to see what help you can get to support you through this.
Warmest wishes xxKS
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I have found that my dreams have taken a lot longer to get to the point of accepting things than my conscious mind. It’s like it’s months behind my actual progress, as though deep down I haven’t come as far as I think. I still dream about him quite often but they finally feel accurate ie not loving or terrifying and I feel strong in my dreams to stand up to him. I was with him over two decades and we become so totally focussed on managing them in the relationship that they’ve taken up all our headspace for so long. It’s bound to take time to switch that off. But each dream is a step forward in processing your experience and a step freer. I agree that impending court will be increasing the dreams at the moment, but it sounds like you have good people around you and some healthy anger xx
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Hey thanks for your support and advice karmasister and peacful pig. I was offered a look around the court but i passed on it.(detail removed by moderator) hopefully he will have the book thrown at him when we eventually get to court xx
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Hi Movingonandon, I had the same problems and I know how awful that is. I could not sleep until all court procedures were finalised and I did not have anymore contact with him. I took some medication for a short while, to calm down, which had unhealthy side effects.
I still suffer from nightmares and flashbacks and he still sits in my brain. However, since last Christmas I have many days when I sleep for 10 hours too.Take advantage of the offer to visit the court before the trial. Most Magistrates and Crown Courts have volunteers for crime victims who can sit with them in the waiting area and can also go into the court room with them.
Find out which entrance the victims use, so that you do not bump into him on the day.
You can take a phone number from the volunteers to even pick you up from outside the court on the day and accompany you to the waiting area for the victims.
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