A massive step in my journey :)

[Beenherebefore]

Hi Ladies

I hope you are all safe and well today.
I haven’t been on here for a while as my mind has been quite preoccupied on getting another job. I was here about a month ago because as i have mentioned before, I still work with my ex for a number of years which has meant that final stage of moving on for me has been really difficult.
I just wanted to share you with ladies because not only have I just got a new job but it is my DREAM job!! Everything about it is wonderful- the work itself, the company, the location, the salary but most of of all the fact that I will finally start to regain peace in my mind and not keep seeing him daily or even hear his name from my colleagues which can still be difficult. Recently I have started to have rose coloured spectacles on for him again as he has been going through a difficult time and feeling like I made that happen all that time ago. Its been messing with my head so I am so thrilled that seeing him daily isn’t going to be the norm anymore!

I have been applying for jobs for so very long and becoming so down on myself and thinking everything he said was true about me but this is well and truly two fingers up to him now I think 🙂 And I’m proud of myself for not giving up my dreams of having a great job in my field (which is quite neiche).

I feel like its going to be hard over the coming weeks to start my process of ‘closure’ and my counsellor has suggested that I look at marking the moment with an event…that I just do myself to say goodbye to this chapter of my life now. Do any of you have any ideas? I have an association to the sea and him and my new role is inland so I am thinking about something there. What do you think? It would be great to hear your suggestions ladies.

x*x

[SunshineRainflower]

Well done on your new job, that is fantastic, congratulations! It sounds like the universe was holding out finding you a new job because your dream one was just around the corner and it didn’t want you to miss ouy 🙂

I’m currently job seeking so this is very inspiring for me!

In terms of ideas to mark the closing of the chapter, what about:

-Writing him a letter that you never send, then burning it on a little fire in the garden whilst drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows/wine? If you have any letters etc from him toss all of it into the fire too – time to move on and let go.

-You could create a little alter of pebbles, shells, seaside things then light a candle, light some insense, read out some positive affirmations or a poem you have written?

– You could create a last supper for yourself or with friends/family where you get out all the old reminders like photos, letters etc then look through them, cry, then turf them into the recycling and have a boogie to some of your favourite songs?

You could also buy some smudge sticks and do a smudging ceremony, it’s a native american ritual and all about good energy and positive vibes 🙂

[lover of no contact]

Well done on putting the action in to finding a job and the action worked! And worked beyond your wildest dreams.

That is encouraging for me too. I need to ‘let go and move on’ from my present job as it is managed by an abuser boss and there are several abusers there and I am triggered so much when working there.

Also my self-esteem cannot be rebuilt as long as I am working there as the abusive colleagues and boss tear it down daily with their emotional abuse, control and smear campaigns, undermining of me and several others of my kind etc. I know I will never fully heal while working there even though I have gone no contact with an abusive mum and ex. But I find myself in a cycle of abuse at work! However I am only barely putting the action out to finding a new job. The universe can’t lead me to my dream job if I don’t take a few actions to find an abuse free job.

So thank you too for inspiring me to take a few actions to finding an abuse free job.

[Serenity]

Well done, Been Here Before.

You deserve every bit of what joy your future has in store for you.

I love Sunshine’s suggestions. The boogie bit made me giggle- but it was also very significant: boogying is what we should be doing! We should be expressing joy at being free, not just putting the past to bed!

I made a ‘funeral pyre’ of his letters and rubbish, cruel presents ( he only ever bought me about two, and they were veiled abuse and meant to hurt me). I made a bonfire in the garden and burnt them all. I also wrote a goodbye letter to my ex ( he never saw it) and burnt it there too.

I didn’t boogie on the day, I unfortunately, but that area has since been used for many lovely bonfires, with wine flowing and marshmallows roasted! Every time I use the bonfire area for cheerful gatherings, it’s like I’m sticking two fingers up at my past!

When I did the Pattern Changing, the course facilitators brought along helium – filled balloons to the last session. We wrote our hopes on a label, and our goodbyes to certain things, and released them into the sky. Chinese lanterns can also be an effective way to represent release. Maybe a goodbye poem can be read as you release it.

I think it’s a great idea to mark the severing of ties to him. A goodbye event really helps us to process it. x

[Beenherebefore]

Ahhhh ladies, thank you all for your beautiful suggestions. I am definitely a boogier so I will plan some of this in I think for after. I like the idea of getting it all out and then destroying those last bits. I so need a fresh start. I am feeling quite nervous about it because it means finally saying goodbye to who I hoped he was rather than who he actually was.
He will not be at work for the forseeable future so I feel that will help me also as if he was here it could be a disaster x

[SunshineRainflower]

Thanks ladies, I’m having a bad day so it has made me laugh reading your comments to my boogie suggestion! I think we all could do with a good boogie to be honest, it’s a great way of saying ‘enough!’ and enjoying the present moment. And burning old reminders on bonfires is wonderful, symbolic and therapeutic.

[lilaclady]

Love all the comments here about doing something to mark this. I am so going to do this when the time is right. And WELL DONE to you Been here before with your new job! Amazing xx

[Beenherebefore]

Thank you lilac 🙂

Right, for full on boogie-ing, I think a new pair of shoes is in order! x x

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