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What I thought was something cute has been building between me and this guy I met not long ago in a particular place I frequent. Slowly and clumsily meandering towards each other, it’s very early – no first date yet just an increasingly clear mutual interest and being pleased to bump into each other and say hi when we get the opportunity. He has been extremely nervous around me more than once, never seen it in any guy before but I thought it was cute – maybe he’s been hurt too.
(Detail removed by Moderator) I got a shock. I happened to get up and go to another part of the place we were in, seconds before he passed by. So I had my back to him when he came closer, and didn’t know he was there. I turned back around, oblivious, to see him pass on just a bit ahead. I could see his face was bright red with anger, and he muttered something like “eff you then”. Then when he was at a bit more of a distance, he was looking over at me. He was kinda dancing on his feet, and his vibe was really aggressive and agitated. What shocked me was my instincts kicking in. I felt an instant sick fear feeling in my stomach, and something inside me suddenly felt comforted by the other women around me. Like a female animal seeking the protection of other females in the group, because she’s been attacked or threatened by an aggressive male. It was both really weird and really beautiful at the same time, but I wanted to talk about it because it helps me to express what happened and it may help other women on here too.
I’d seen him look over at me from the same position before, where he hadn’t been close enough to say hello, and his vibe wasn’t like that before. It was sweet, and interested, and curious. But this today – very scary.
My reaction wasn’t so much a psychological or emotional one, but an instinctive one. A primal feminine one. This tells me something deep within me knows more about this guy than my mind or heart does, and I should pay attention, you know?
I feel deeply upset, though, as I really liked him but I don’t think I can ignore what happened today. I wanted to add that I also notice I feel this weird sense of nervousness about wearing a pretty new top I got today, around him, like it will set him off or something. Again, a deep instinctive feeling that I can’t shake off. How weird is that.
Your thoughts are welcome.
Much love. -
Hello Cosmicasca,
Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry to hear of your realisation that a male that you had considered potentially safe turned out to be, what sounds like, frightening and aggressive. It must have been an upsetting experience for you.
The feeling that you describe about the protection you felt from females around you is very positive and insightful. It’s a sad reality that women share the universal experience of oppression based on our gender and we have learned to be on the look out for danger from men at all times, particularly women who have experienced domestic or sexual abuse in their lives. A recent study shows that 84% of women have experienced at least one form of sexual harassment in their lifetime, which indicates the prevalence of VAWG in our society still.
It’s so important for us to look after one another, and the support that users show each other on this forum is a great example of that.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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