a perception in hind sight

[diymum@1]

im still trying to peice this altogether i tell myself every day why do i waste my time constantly trying to figure out and pinpoint why this happened. i like to have something in my head to picture. in hind sight i see him as someone in an old fashioned cloak. a shrivelled up inferior little man underneath with no substance to his soul or the person he is. an empty vessel. he saw me as weak and he hid under his cloak like a predator waiting to sap me off all i had to give. he pretended to be someone else – funny – loving – i was welcome in his house and with his family. it was all a guise. he new i believe this is what i craved. i slowly met the true man he was and found myself trapped in so many ways. i regret that i ever set eyes on him i wish now i had kept saying no and listened to my gut. my first impression was he looked kind off crazy what was i doing??

anyway just my thoughts – i wondered how other people see their abuser in hindsight? i still thank god everyday i am not like him! thats what keeps me going i know i can hold my head up and i know i am better than that (than how he ever perceived me) i came out off the other side but im still baffled at times xx

love diymum

[EbonyRaven]

That’s a great picture, and so accurate for what they are like.

I think of him as a cross between Benny Hill and Terry Thomas the actor. I never liked either, they always gave me the creeps. He doesn’t physically look like either of those people it is the creepiness, and the misogyny.

When I’m feeling really angry I picture him as the teardrop of venom hanging from a scorpion’s tail.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Well yes I am visual type of person too and I imagine my second abuser as this beautiful greek status looking android devoid of any love instead filled with utter cruelty.
My first abuser, I see him as this enormous black cloud taking up the entire sky, very menacing. Brr gives me the fright just thinking of him.
Long live No Contact!! It’s the only thing keeping me safe and sane 💪

[HunkyDory]

I love this DIY Mum! All really good descriptions and the Terry Thomas /Benny Hill cross is great 😂 I struggle to see mine as anything else but this huge looming figure standing over me with bulging staring bloodshot eyes yelling at me. Even though he’s only (detail removed by moderator) p*ss wet through he was very intimidating. I would love to turn him into D**k Emery… though that might be a stretch.. xx

 

 

[diymum@1]

yeh im very visual im glad im not the only one who thinks like this! lol it helps to process it all dosent it. to try to see trough that last wee trail off fog. when we see them for what they are we can move past it. thats the stage im at 🙂 he wont ‘win’ they wont win ladies we will rise above all off this xx i know we all will 🙂 xxxx thanks so much for your relies very interesting xx love always diymum

[HunkyDory]

It definitely helps Diymum x I feel like I’m getting there too, not as jumpy, sleeping much better and seeing things positively. I’m sure there’s more c**p to come but I’ll get there like we all will. Thanks for a very interesting post! Xx

[diymum@1]

it does get easier – regret is a tough one for me! im glad your getting there now x*x much love diymum

[Goggleeyes]

How I view my ex;

Then- a Roman or Greek Gladiator. Very fit. Piercing blue eyes. Charming. Also a bit of a white knight in shining armour, willingness to help complete strangers.

Now- a demon who uses glamour to hide his true guise of deception with soulless eyes void of any feeling. Mirroring blackness.I truly believe he his the chief guard to the daughter of Hades, who was given a reprieve from being her slave solely to cause mayhem on earth before being sent back to hell when it’s time. Maybe that’s why he has such a chip on his shoulder about strong women 😋

[HunkyDory]

They hate strong women Goggleyes. I retaliated more than once, one time I was furious throwing stuff about (he’d got me to buy a flight for (detail removed by moderator) to go back home then said he wouldn’t go unless I gave him £XX. I was livid) and he actually retreated upstairs away from me. But that was only once, every other time he was just too scary. I like the Hades reference, very fitting xx

 

 

[Goggleeyes]

Hi HunkyDory,

When I met my ex I was a self assured, confident woman who thought I was a bad a*s business owner wearing my leather jacket, like I was the s**t. Lol How naive I was.

Then over decades I was resolved to a gooey, foggy, liquified marshmallow mess- left to question my own sanity. Every bit of my identity was stripped away, to the point that I didn’t even exist anymore.

Since I fled I’m now discovering who I really am, what I like- because I like it not because I’m being a chameleon fitting in to someone else’s demands, influence or expectations of me.

Although I will be getting a leather jacket again, as I know for a fact that I’m a true bad-a*s survivor. 💥😊

[HunkyDory]

Ha goggleeyes you still are the s*it! I was the same as you, feel like the confident self assured me has been cut down. But the shoots are coming through and I’ll be back. As Arnie said. You keep doing what you’re doing sister, you’re amazing XX

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