- This topic has 12 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 7 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Because …
he is all happy and trying very hard – a bit too late for that I feel. Could have done more sooner so that I didn’t become ill.
He is playing with the kids in an over zealous way and as I am wrecked at the moment he seems like the fun guy and I am so lame.
Because he extended his family skills by cooking a tea tonight ( first EVER – and I am talking decades ) to which it was all fuss and bother and look how great I am for cooking blah blah. – he makes me sick.
The final applause goes to my husband for dealing with everything in such an awful way that my medication has been doubled, psychiatric team are calling me, doctor is calling me.
I hate you, my husband, for all of this and for the pain and heartache you have caused me. For sending me mad. I wish you would vanish. -
-
They are hideous.
They are so good at playing the perfect role to save their own skin. Oscar-winning performances. But they won’t do what they know is right for others’ sake at other times.
Don’t let his games get to you.
You know who he really is. Hold on to that thought. Knowledge is power. You can predict his games and be one step ahead.
-
-
-
-
Dear Tuppance,
Don’t watch him, copy him, pretend with a big smile, he won’t know how to react.
If you can’t beat them, join them. Soon enough he will reveal himself.
And if all fails, destract your thoughts, don’t give up on staying true inside yourself, don’t shut down, don’t give up, don’t curl up and admit defeat. What he is doing is acting, see through it, it won’t last.
Write down what happens, read it back alone later, analyse not too deeply, build your spiritual strength. I know how you feel, I’ve been there…
Write on the forum, breathe, have a cuppa, take a good outsider’s look at him and work on your plan. Your kids will instinctively know something is false with him and don’t be beaten by his performances.
Don’t give your life away to medication and specialists if you can. They are quick at responding in stereotypical ways, problem – diagnosis – medication – reanalysis – increased medication, vicious circle.
Take a step back, recharge your batteries, think clearly, tactics and strategy : Just be the good mum you know you are, and take care of yourself too. In life there are two choices, up or down. Choose up with that little forgotten voice of hope and inner strength that doesn’t want to be forgotten.Please stay strong and up! Please do it! Play the game…act as normal as can be. Let strength talk to you, not depression and medication.
Remember my message to you. Stay in touch with us. Don’t let that beast beat you xxxxxxxxxxxx
-
-
Hi.
Thankyou for your supportive words and the voodoo doll idea sounds very appealing ! I went to bed early in the end. I find my bedroom a place of safety and calm and my anxiety noticeably decreases when I am here. I read my post again and I do sound like a crazy person and I am sorry – I’m not, honestly, but he has made me so weak – or, I should say, my weaknesses have not endured his behaviour. I feel calmer now my meds have been doubled but I still can’t get hold of women’s aid outreach ladies. I have called and called and left messages. Tomorrow I am taking a couple more positive steps towards my freedom and I have dr’s update appointment. I am
Starting to come round to the idea that, as far as my boy’s approval of my decision to leave us concerned, that not only am I a parent ( and not a bad one either ) but I am also a human being who has the right to live a happy and healthy life. I should be able to do this without fear of losing his love although he may not agree with my choices – I should not be seeking the validation I crave, from him – he is too young and too close to us both to expect so much of him. I need to soldier on, regardless of whether he approves/likes it, and hope that in time he will understand. Sending everyone lots of love for the week ahead. X*x -
-
Hi Tuppance,
I can so identify with your experience. I do not take any meds but I have been unwell physically and mentally to the point where it often occurred to me that I’m going crazy and I really thought I may end up getting psychiatric help.
This alarmed me and that’s why I decided to join in here before professional health care becomes seriously needed.
Anyway back to the topic – what you describe causes so much inner turmoil – his niceness makes matters worse. It is messing with your head. Ok, he is trying hard but I think a person can only give so many chances. If his intentions were genuine he wouldn’t have tried your patience and used your goodness for so long. I’m afraid it’s just pretend.
I discovered that since I have become quite assertive with my husband in the past few months (following the assault last year), he is being nice to me but is becoming increasingly mean to our little girl. This is what prompted me to take action as soon as possible, before he causes her more stress. His a stay-at-home-dad (well, she’s at school full-time now so really he’s just a stay-at-home), he is decorating the house, cooking, shopping, cleaning, mowing the lawn. He asks about my family (although after quite a few years together he just about remembers the names of my siblings ha ha!). When I discipline my daughter he comes in and is extra nice and patient to her. I have a great difficulty deciding whether this is a genuine effort or whether this is a display of control. It makes me angry at him and then disoriented (how can I be planning to leave him when he can be good like this?). And of course, when he steps between my daughter and me, she then prefers him to me at least for a while because he’s a good cop and I’m a harsh mummy. I feel like I’m losing ground beneath my feet.
Like you, I’m also worried if she’ll be difficult for me when I separate her from her daddy. However, I also know that it will be better for her mental well-being in the long-run and she’ll thrive. I don’t know how old your boy is but whatever the age I suspect it won’t be easy. My advisor from (detail removed by moderator) Women’s Aid warned me that my little one will be difficult for some time because she’s daddy’s girl (even though he’s so controlling and manipulating her it makes me seethe!). But I am totally up for it (even though scared). Think long-term benefits for your son. We have to do what’s right for our children no matter what the cost.
Stay on the course! Soon you won’t be needing any medication, once you get out, you’ll get better!
Apple x*x
-
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
