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Happy new year Tamra,
I saw your other post too, hope it’s ok to respond here,
You were with him for a long time Tamra and I bet that during that time through his relentless moods etc it took up a huge amount of your energy and time just on him, how he would be, react, etc always trying to be one step ahead for the sake of peace etc.
It is also likely that with all that, your feelings, needs emotions got squashed, you shrank from your former self,
Now it is hard to readjust and feel the void,and refind you,
This time of year probably magnifies the aloneness,
I don’t know him but I really do feel they are all one and the same, and he will not treat her any better than you,
Now instead of his direct torture, you are still getting it continue so be kind to yourself, they say the longer the relationship the longer the recovery time, can’t recall the actual years recovery per decade but it was a lot so just because we are out doesn’t mean we should be ok,
It is entirely up to you whether you get help from your GP, I know others who didn’t because of their medical records and jobs concerns, what you are feeling is reactive to what you have been through so is no shortcoming on your part
Please think about getting out that list or start a new one of what you want in a future partner, and see how short he falls,
Hang on in there,
X x x -
Hi Daisy,
Thank you and its fine to reply here. I have added stuff on the one I started so I wont go on again.
He did squash my emotions and didnt want to hear about how I felt unless it was about how I felt about him, of course only nice stuff though.
Yes this time of year is hard and now Im facing all the plans we made he will do with her and that hurts.
I think the saying is its take half the time of the relationship to heal so I have about a decade to heal god thats a long time hope it doesnt take that long but if it does then it does.
My future man would be a bit different to him but there are some bits I had in him that I loved. When he was nice he really was but then I think thats one of the tactics – like reliving the honeymoon period again over and over again. When I look back at all the ‘special’ days such as xmas, new year, birthdays etc. he would sabotage but blame me. I remember one of the ‘big’ birthdays I had I spent in bed and I messaged him to say that I felt down and hoped he would come over to me but NO all he said was ‘so am I’. the thing is we were both down because of him and the way he treated me, when days arent about him then he plays up. A few Christmas’s ago we had a fab time and I did all the meals etc. and also made sure I paid him alot of attention and a few days later he was in a mood and when I asked was up he said ‘you didnt pay me enough attention’ I was god-smacked and couldnt and still cant get my head around it. Its madness… The one Christmas he didnt play up was one were I went to his house on my own and my kids went to their dads so I could do this magical Christmas with him where he cooked and made a camp out in the lounge etc. sounds lovely but It was actually boring and he just wanted it to be sexual, then when his daughter arrived that was it his mood changed. I dont think he can cope with more than one person at a time as when I think about it now I always was pushed to the background which then made me withdraw and feel sad and then in turn that would rub of on him too, may god Its like going round in circles. It was like that at the beginning, he was so much more attentive and loving towards me I was his number one but that changed and I was so far down the list it was awful but he was always my number one may be till the end where I think I was slipping away.And now hes happy showing off his new life and Im drowning in self pity.
Sorry for the downer and I went on a bit
xx
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