A Tic

[AlwaysSorry]

I’ve noticed over the last few months that I seem to have developed a tic. Whenever the flashbacks start or a memory of him pops into my head, my head will twitch and my eyes will shut. It’s almost like how my head moved the way it did when he’d slap me or headbutt me, like a recoil and a shiver will run through me but the head movement is so fast that I only realise after if that makes sense. The more anxious I am, the more frequent it seems to happen. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this or if I’m going crazy after all.

[HunkyDory]

Hi AS you are not going crazy. You’re recovering from severe trauma and that will take various forms I guess. I contacted a local organisation to talk about what happened to me (various physical assaults and intimidation over a number of years) and she’s referred me for EMDR – but there’s a 4 month wait. I’ve not experienced a tic but sometimes paralyzed with fear and sadness about the whole situation so much so I spend days feeling like a zombie and having no energy to do anything but think about him. Maybe you’re experiencing PTSD? Have you spoken to your GP or tried to find a local org you can talk to? Remember it’s not you… xx

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi HD,

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD and am also waiting for trauma therapy. I know what you say about feeling like a zombie, sometimes it’s just sitting with the thoughts going through you and there really is no energy for anything else. I think I will mention this tic to my GP and see what they make of it, thanks for responding xx

[HunkyDory]

No problem chik, we have to keep ourselves busy even though we don’t feel like it. I worked at home today dreading the full day ahead alone but got really immersed in a particular problem and before I knew it it was 6 o’clock. Definitely mention it to your GP.. have you tried some meditation? I find it works wonders with relaxing the mind xx

[AlwaysSorry]

Yes, I listen to mindfulness videos on YouTube with guided meditations but I think it’s just one of those times where the anxiety is just too high for that to be enough. I’m finding it very hard to calm down last few days and just being scared and on edge seems to make the head movement worse x

[HunkyDory]

I hope your GP can sort something out or speed up the counseling for you. Try to keep doing the videos, even a few minutes will help a little I’m sure. Or try to get out for a walk if you can. Xx

[KIP.]

Sounds like PTSD. A reaction to a memory. At my worst I would duck down and curl up. Wake up running round the house and once woke up going out the front door at 2am in my night clothes. Reminded me of soldiers when they hear loud noises. I’d also wake up and see colours. So there’s lots going on in your brain as it tries to sort out the trauma. Try not to let it spiral and make the anxiety worse. A favourite scent like lavender. One that promotes happy memories. I have Nivea suncream I smell when I’m distressed. Reminds me of the beach and calm. Soak a cotton handkerchief and keep it with you x I also have a little furry ‘worry monster’. It’s a small toy that kids with anxiety are given. He has a zipped mouth to put your worries in but I rub the fur to lessen my anxiety and keep my change in him lol. You can buy these. But you might prefer a small bag charm instead. Keep going. You will get there x

[colouringinfairy]

Oh AlwaysSorry this is so weird I have noticed I do the exact same thing! It’s even worse when I am triggered – I watched a film called 3,096 Days the other day (real story about a girl who was kidnapped and held captive for 8 years) and didn’t think it would be graphic as it was straight from the woman’s autobiography but boy was I wrong. There were quite a few assault scenes and this tick was out of control I couldn’t even try to stop it. Never used to react like that to anything on the tele, or in real life. It is awful but it’s a symptom of PTSD – do you have a therapist who can help you through it?

[AlwaysSorry]

Thanks ladies, I will find a worry monster, I’ve looked them up and they are actually quite cute 🙂 I like the idea of a carrying a scent around like that, I find certain smells trigger me so perhaps that could be a buffer against just that. I really appreciate all these tips and tricks as they do make life easier xx It’s awful to experience these symptoms but it’s reassuring to know I am not alone xx

[KIP.]

I remember an episode of Mad Men when he’s kicking in the door and I leap off the couch like a bat out of hell. Running for the front door then running back for the remote control. It really is dreadful but at least I can laugh about it now x I hope you too will look back and laugh one day.

[WalkerInTheRain]

I get numbness and pins and needles down one side of my face. Took me a while to connect it to being strangled and smothered.

I’m reading The Body Keeps the Score at the moment and it explains the physiological changes our brains go through during trauma.

[HopeLifeJoy]

I don’t have any tics but deal with high anxiety and my arm and hands tense up to the point it physically hurts me.
I stretch and swim to release the tension, maybe some physical outlet would help you too?
I agree “ the body keeps the score” is an excellent book about trauma, the best in MHO.

I liked the idea of getting a little furry something, I’ve got one at home, a teddybear and just got myself another little one, from the series the Beanie Boo’s collection, I got Flippy the fish, a keyhanger, he’s got magical power and protects me when I go outside 😊

I hope your tic subsides soon, try masticating chewing-gum to relax your facial muscles.

And may I say what a sorry piece of human trash your ex is, really, to head-butt a woman, how can he even look at himself in the mirror..it’s disgusting, this guy will be punished, if not by earthily means than heavenly!

Sending you hugs 💕

[AlwaysSorry]

Aww thanks ladies 🙂 I will get that book, too. I am still struggling to read but I have the most success with reading books about what it is I (and everyone on here) am going through and all the other book suggestions I’ve gotten, I’ve managed to get through most of them.

Oh KIP, that sounds awful but it’s the body reacting to what it remembers isn’t it. I’m so glad to read you can laugh about it now as none of the horrendous things he put you through should ever have happened. I will laugh one day, too. I promise 🙂

I really like the idea about the key chain. I’m going to find one for me x I’ve become a bit of an impulsive shopper lol. Whenever something is suggested, I just go on Amazon and buy it :O It started about a month and a half ago when I for the first time in many years bought a souvenir, just for me. That was breaking so many of his rules just doing that (spending money on me, having window shopped, having gone into the store and then bought it!) but it felt so good. So I try and spoil myself without spending too much money.

I hope the tics, pins and needles and joint aches all ease up for you lovely ladies too xx Sending you all so many hugs back xx

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