• This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by KIP..
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    • #16844

      Dear Ladies,

      I am suffering a lot this week with emotional and physical pain, I have recently heard about the practice of DISTRESS TOLERANCE, here is a lot on the internet about it, i have been looking at this website about it. It seems to help. http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/distresstolerance.htm

      Also somebody told me about eckharttolle, you may be interested in this.
      https://www.eckharttolle.com/

      Thinking abot our pain in another way………the emotional and mental pain that I feel NOW is about what happened to me before and going over and over it, rethinking and feeling sad, this is making my NOW distressing. Taking away those thoughts my NOW is actually quite pleasant I’m sitting here in my lovely home, i am happy and free in my life. That is my right now, so it seems that it is managing the thoughts that is key. XXXXXXXXXXX

    • #16859
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi Healthyarchive,

      Thankyou for that. Its what I needed to hear today. I’ve been triggered (affected) by a known ‘abuser-work’ colleague yesterday. She is just being herself (critical, fault-finding, harsh tone of voice, undermining of my work, and constant trying to make contact with me when I’m trying not to ‘engage’ without it being obvious). So after a short time spent with her (an abuser), I’m triggered. She’s in my head and my thoughts and I’m distracted from ‘my life’ and ‘my business’ which if I allow this to happen will lead to my life becoming unmanageable. I don’t want to give her that control. I don’t want to give her ‘that power’ to be in my thoughts and my head. She’s just not worth it. All she’s good for is her ‘bullying behaviours.’

      I engaged with plenty of people last night at work with lovely behaviours (complimenting me, pleased to see me, ‘not on my case’ behaviours) but how come I let the bully’s behaviours dominate and pay no heed to all the positive behaviours from the non-bullies (who way outnumbered this one bully).

      That’s so helpful what you posted, my mental and emotional pain that I feel now is from my past, from ‘my abuser mum and ex-husband,’ going over and over it in my head is what’s making my NOW distressing.

      Taking away those thoughts (of my interaction with work-bully) my NOW is actually quite pleasant also, I’m sitting here in my tranquil ‘abuser-free’ space, I will not have to engage with the work-bully for a while now. I have a weekend abroad with girl-friends to look forward to this weekend, I have a day shopping with my daughter today. I have just eaten a delicious healthy breakfast, I have all you kind ladies for support, I plan to walk in nature for an hour and enjoy the sights, smells and sounds of the birds. I also may do a little bit of yoga. Yes my NOW is very good today.

      Thankyou for helping me change my thoughts and not let my day be affected by work-bully.

    • #16864
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there, sounds a lot like ‘mindfulness’. Have a look at that. It brings us to the here and now using all our senses. What you feel, see, hear, smell right now. It takes the mind away from distress and makes it think of something else x these pathetic men have a lot to answer for ❤️

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