(detail removed) on and struggling

[Thisisthestart]

I left my abusive relationship (detail removed by Moderator) ago and I thought I would be in a much better place (detail removed by Moderator) on that I am.
I’m still in therapy, still going through (detail removed by Moderator) and still not housed.

I have just started a new job which is a positive but it’s so hard juggling it with 3 children.
I don’t have a lot of help right now as my mums just been hospitalised which is also upsetting and stressful.

On top of that, the relationship I started with someone new not too long after I left my abusive one isn’t going well right now either.
I don’t know if it’s my trauma that is causing the issues or if it’s him showing unhealthy/abusive behaviours.
It’s very hard to explain without giving examples which I obviously can’t do on here.
I do know I am easily triggered by criticism and do get very defensive but I am struggling with whether my reaction is too over the top or whether he is in fact being overly critical.
I am so scared of being walked all over again that I jump on it as soon as he brings up anything and defend myself to the ends of the earth but what if I am actually the one not seeing it clearly or taking it the wrong way due to trauma!?
It’s so difficult to navigate.
Every other aspect of our relationship is positive but then every now and again we have a huge blow up and we both get angry and fall out. The last one which has resulted in him not being sure if he wants to carry on the relationship.
Sorry if this is vague and a bit rambling but I just feel very lost and at a very low point right now.
If I had the chance to run away right now I absolutely would 😔

[Alicenotichains]

Wow you have done so well and from what you describe you have so much on your plate to deal with as well as recovering from an abusive situation. It sounds like you feel overwhelmed by it all which is understandable. You sound like a fantastic role model for your kids. Your new partner needs to understand that this will take time and your defences will be up as you don’t want to repeat the trauma that you experienced before. Take time to practice little acts of self love, stop and breathe every now again and don’t forget how amazingly strong you have had to be to get this far. Keep going and you will get to a more peaceful place. This is a hard road but it’s worth it. Wishing you all the very best x*x

[Eggshells]

Your post has been moderated so its hard to know what your timescales are.

It does take time and by that I mean that it can take years to settle down and find your better place. Keep working towards your best life. It might be a long, hard slog but it’s worth it in the end.

You are bound to be scarred by your past experience so it will be very difficult to work out what might be a trigger and what might be red flags. Ofcourse you are going to be on high alert. You may also be vulnerable to further abuse. The Freedom Programme might be helpful for you.

I can’t say if your new relationship is abusive. What I can say is that good relationships should make you stronger. Both partners should respect one another and their individual freedoms. Do you feel you can trust him?

[driedflowers]

This all sounds really tough but, as the others commented, you are doing really well.

Regarding your new relationship, I am wondering whether you told him about your past one, and how he reacted. Is he supportive? Does he understand your PTSD and try to accommodate you so that you can communicate? With respect to the content of your arguments, maybe you can try writing some of his criticisms down verbatim in a journal and then looking over them when you’re not feeling triggered. Outside of that heated emotional moment, how do they read – fair/normal criticism or verbal abuse? I would also suggest discussing this with your therapist. If it seems like normal relationship conflict, it might be helpful to role play some argumentative situations with your therapist so that your conflict can be more productive.

Congratulations on your new job and wishing your mum a good recovery

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