About to meet support worker for the first time…

[Memand]

I’m writing this today as I’m experiencing extreme self doubt. I’m still unsure as to whether my marriage could really be classed as abusive and have contacted WA in the past and then backed out.
Things hit rock bottom before Christmas and I called WA in desperation, having previously phoned a crisis helpline and not found the experience helpful at all. He shouts and swears at me and stares me down, then tells me it is all in my head and that I am being too sensitive. For the last couple of weeks things have been fine and he has been making a big effort and so I feel disloyal for arranging a meeting with a support worker.
I know no marriage is a bed of roses, but I’m frightened to tell friends some of the things that really happen in my marriage. I’ve lied about furniture being broken by accident (it was thrown in anger) and try to explain things away.
However, I know people experience far worse things in their relationships and feel like a fraud. Sometimes I feel I’m losing my mind. I’m hoping that talking to a support worker will give me some clarity.

[Anonymous]

Hi Memand,

Goodluck with your support worker I hope that they clarify for you that what your husband is doing is abusive. Please don’t feel guilty or that you need to validate yourself, it is happening it is real and he has no right to do that.

It is normal to feel bad when they are being nice but from what I have read on here that is all part of the cycle. x

[KIP.]

Hi, we minimise their behaviour over time. That’s why it becomes so dangerous in a violent relationship. I just didn’t see my husband as dangerous as the abuse crept up over the years getting worse and worse. Listen to what your support worker has to say. I was totally shocked when I finally accepted that my husband was an abuser and he knew exactly what he was doing X

[Memand]

Thank you so much KIP and imagine. I found talking it over really worthwhile and I have signed up for (detail removed by moderator). That is all I can cope with for now, but even that makes me feel empowered.

[Anonymous]

That is great that you found it worthwhile and I am sure that whatever you have signed up for will make you feel stronger and more able to deal with the situation at home x

[Author]

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