Absolutely Drained

[Butterfly-Warrior]

I am really feeling exhausted with life today. I haven’t felt well for a few days so all I’d like to do is relax of an evening… Oh No but not last night, I thought he may have given a a break from the constant accusations and emotional abuse but it seems that made me vulnerable and more easy to wind up. I had hours of being woken up just as I was drifting off and this went on until 2am. I am normally asleep by 10pm as I am up sorting the children for school getting myself ready etc.
I was also made to feel bad for not given him sex on Valentines Day, but he also sexually abuses me, he forces himself on me every night and asks why I always push him away, but my reason is that he doesn’t give me a break.
Writing this down and reading it back sounds absolutely awful and if it were somebody else posting I’d advise to call the police but that just isn’t going to be an option for me as I don’t want any repercussions. I feel like I am too old for mind games and I feel drained today that I just cannot focus or pay attention to work or family.

There is probably only 1 solution and that is too leave but without any money I wouldn’t know where to start.
Thanks for listening, just needed a rant as I always feel better writing it down than actually speaking to a friend or family member… xx

[Lisa]

Dear Butterfly-Warrior,

I’m very sorry to read how you’re feeling, it is completely understandable that you feel exhausted and low. The abuse you are explaining is serious and relentless and you are having to carry on with life as a busy mother.
It sounds as though you might be reaching a point where you know something needs to change, to protect your own emotional and physical wellbeing.

Whilst there is never any pressure to leave or take action, perhaps it would be worth seeking some local support to help you to discuss your options.
You can find if there is a local service in your area by clicking on the following link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

You could also chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

In the meantime look after yourself however you can, finding small moments to rest when out of the house perhaps.

Keep posting,

Lisa

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