Abuse accusations

[cakepops]

I thought I had got used to the fictitious allegations, but it’s suddenly hitting me hard. My ex has accused me of physical, emotional and financial abuse, coercive control, harassment, parental alienation… you name it he’s got a fictional example. I know I can’t be too specific, but as is often the case the examples he has provided to family court and other professionals are actually the things he did/does to me but reversed.

I’m struggling with this, as I fundamentally know none of it is true, but I hate that he’s telling friends, colleagues, local MPs/counsellors, the police/school/GP/family court etc, plus publicising online. He’s getting a lot of publicity and sympathy with what are basically total lies.

In an ideal world I would be able to ignore it, but I worry what will happen in future when he tells our children these things. How can I ensure that our children are protected from this nonsense in future? I’m scared that when they are older they will be inflected by his very persuasive nature.

[Anonymous]

Hi Cakepops,

I’m sorry you are going through this.
They will continue the abuse as long as they can. And they like to play the victim to proclaim innocence.
I hope you have support for your case. It can be so hard when it’s your word against theirs, and they don’t mind lying.
Hopefully he will fumble on his lies.
Kids can be manipulated, but hopefully yours will see the truth.
Usually they know who they could trust.
Do you have support? I hope you don’t feel alone.
It’s terrible when people believe lies about you.
I hope for justice.
Take care xx

[Eggshells]

If he’s publishing stuff on social media it’s libel. You can sue for as little as £25. It might just stop him dead in his tracks.

[cakepops]

I do have support thanks Ocean, but somehow it just never feels enough at points. I feel like I am surrounded by people who have been told all these lies about me, and I have no way to countering them. It’s the little things like knowing some of the parents from my kids school have been told I am an abuser, or some of my old friends/colleagues. In theory it shouldn’t matter, but its hard to ignore it all over such a long time.

The social media stuff I can’t do anything about – he is clearly very very clued up legally as my solicitor said (detail removed by moderator). He posts about me, but doesn’t use my name. Of course everyone who knows us knows it’s me he’s discussing. It’s becoming more and more serious allegations too over time. No one seems to notice that it’s odd how his story is changing, elaborating and becoming much more crazy over time – it promotes more sympathy.

[Eggshells]

Oh honey, I’m so sorry. This is awful. Keeping within the law is calculated. He knows exactly what he is doing.

It is easy to say and harder to do but if your friends believe him, just let them go. This is a time of cutting out those who are not healthy for you in your life.

I’m afraid I don’t know the answer for the police and family courts. That is very worrying. Do you have a kayworker from your local DV charity?

Perhaps also try phoning the WA helpline. They won’t be able to give you legal advice but they might be able to point you in the right direction of support services that can help you. xx

[Daff]

I’m having this problem as well. It only come to light a few weeks ago as I dont have contact with anyone from when I was with him and at the moment theres no contact between us because theres no contact with my children. A person just started randomly telling me about it. I knew he had spoke to the school. I don’t have a understanding of why they cant just leave us alone. I hope your feeling better, I seem to go through waves of feelings about it.

[Grey Rock]

So sorry that you’re going through this. It was one of the most anxiety making things for me. Luckily enough people saw through him, but mine contacted lots of my family and friends, and said terrible things. He turned very abusive towards some of them too when they refused to relay messages or get involved. It really is nasty. I don’t know if I’m allowed to post links but I’ll try just in case it works. (detail removed by moderator)

Good luck.

[Watersprite]

Just sending a hug – the injustice of that is massive. My ex tells everyone I’m unstable damaged and crazy. Don’t think many people are believing it – maybe his new w****o wingmen but I wouldn’t want them anywhere near me anyway.It just validates how much of a monster he is. I’m so sorry you are going through this – everything mine said about me in the past was like putting a mirror up to his behaviour – it’s him telling everyone who he is. It’s so hard but don’t let it rock your belief in you. It’s his nonsense try and stand tall and strong in how brave you are and thank yourself for leaving – it would be so much worse if you were together.

[Thistle06]

Mine did the exact same to me he re wrote everything I submitted (detail removed by Moderator) as if it was him. It made me physically sick to the stomach especially when he accused me of emotional and psychological abuse and said he had been in touch with an organisation for abused men. It felt like he was mocking me and trivialising the (detail removed by Moderator) years of abuse. I would suggest you take a deep breath , remember that this is what they do mess with your head, casually and with no care. I could not have got through the last year without my support worker from womens aid and this forum.Keep looking ahead at the future and remember that this is because he’s lost control and power and is trying to find a lever to break you. Its so very hard mine lied so much about me to his family I received a photo of myself and my children with my face scrubbed out by a close member of his family and that was when we were still married. They were only annoyed they got caught the photo was sent to me accidently. Try writing down your truth keep a diary or a log. You are not alone we are here for you be strong and believe in your truth xx

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