Abuse being passed down through the generations…..

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Ladies, it occurred to me today that my ex’s nan lived with a very violent man, he beat her badly and she fled him. My ex’s mum then went on to marry an extremely abusive man, he was so controlling and terribly mean and she had no life at all. My ex was abusive towards me, he uses women for his ego and doesn’t know how to behave normally in relationships. It has been passed down through 3 generations. It is sad.

[KIP.]

My exs father was an abuser. My ex. And i truely fear for my son. He shows a real lack of empathy. I just hope now hes an adult that me and my side of the familys influence will eventually come through. I dont have the answer but i fear its partly genetics as i thought i shielded him from the worst of the abuse.

[Falling Skys]

My ex’s mother and sister were and are both abusive, and sadly my son and daughter are now abusive and it breaks my heart that I couldn’t stop the cycle.

[Healthyarchive]

Thank you for your comments ladies. I dont have children so I dont know how qualified I am to comment. Domestic abuse is not so hidden and secretive as it used to be, more people talk about it. Also organisations like Womens Aid and Respect, the perpetrator programme are more available. Women are treated very differently now they they were in the past, it is expected that we are treated respectfully and DV is frowned upon in society. I don’t know if anything is taught in schools about respectful relationships and how to treat women is it? People these days are encouraged to talk about their feelings, and to be positive and independent. Falling Sky’s, my mums support and inspiration towards me growing up and now was not something that I really noticed. I grew up in a mixed household with mental illness and accompanying difficulties a day to day factor. My mum is a strong independent woman, very much into rights for women, an Emmeline Pankhurst type of figure. Regardless of what s**t was going on in my life she subtly and sometimes silently guided me towards good. You may be doing this for your children? I was very bad and disruptive when I was young, probably put my mum through a lot. Had loads of boyfriends, didn’t bother with school & was basically a hoodlum. But my mum was a strong figure in the background. If you are on here Falling Skys you must be a strong figure and your children will pick up on that somewhere. X*X

[betterdays]

Hi my exes dad were a very violent man he hit my ex over the head with a hammer to calm him down. All my exes family are extremely dysfunctional. None of them have done anything with there life’s. My dad is abusive with my mum and my dads parents were the same definitely a pattern x

[Healthyarchive]

Yes, and maybe there is a way to break the cycle so that the next generation have a better understanding of what is respectful and decent behavior towards women. You are made a very positive move coming on here Better Days, there seems to be quite a lot available these days for women, refuges, sounding off on here, goals to make their lives better etc. Also Better Days I don’t think that you can beat reading. On Amazon there are loads of Ebooks, they are short reads and all are about abuse, trauma bonding, missing them, manipulation. (detail removed by Moderator), do you not think it would help you and your children to either go into a refuge or move to another area?, you could make a completely fresh start. I see some women do that. It must make it more difficult for you trying to cope with it all, if you are surrounded by everybody who is violent or dysfunctional? I think they will bring you down, make you think what the hell and give up hope. One of my favourite films was called Educating Rita, you should watch it, it is inspiring. she turned her life around. We are all thinking of you Better Days XXXXXXXXXX

[Author]

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