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Im guessing im not alone here… Found out partner has been watching porn and i think this seems to be quite a common thing when it comes to abusers so im sure im not alone. Found out the other day im not going to get into it but Yes i feel upset disgusted angry i know i shouldnt even care cos i hate him and cant wait to get away but i guess i cant help it. After everything he’s done and now this. I guess they are so selfish, have no guilt, greedy etc it probably is typical characteristic of an abuser. Thing which annoys me the most is i have begged him to leave, leave me and the kids in peace he could quite have easily left, found a new gf or he could live by himself look at as much porn as he wants but no instead he refuses to leave us in peace and then does that. Why???? Why not just leave???? I cant stand him. He knows the reason we dont have sex because of the way he treats me. They are just purely evil creatures. He just stays here to make my life hell, to control me, to make me feel as bad as possible about myself
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Hi freetobethegreatest. Yes my ex abuser apparently did the same according to his ex she said he were watching it while with her. He were probably doing it with me. It is disgusting and degrading. My ex also followed young girls on fbook were lying to me all the time too. X
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My Ex partner was very big into his porn .He watched it on his own or I’d watch it with him .Lookkng back now it was a bit more than normal watching porn .In early days he even suggested a three some with another woman but it never got to that point .He told me he was a sex addict he needed sex regardless .Early news I thought sex was great but as years went by the more horrible he became it puts you off being closer to them then .Again it is another one of these tactics X
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This has been a sore spot for me for many years. I am not a prude and obviously to each their own. I don’t do porn. It makes me feel uncomfortable and it does not induce a loving feeling in me watching the fakeness. I feel it takes something away from intimacy rather than adding to it. I have nothing against masturbation. But watching pictures of other people in order to get off, just no, if you are in a monogamous relationship.
Anyway. I have heard the my libido is bad cos of my anti-depressants excuse from him, the I have a spot of dickdoleroo so we cannot be intimate, loads and loads of excuses. Yet he has the time and the energy to do porn. Our sex live is in tatters, has been for years. We are never on the same page when it comes to intimacy. What with out and out rejection, the cheating (once as far as I know, but there as another incident that happened early on and I reckon that was the first time he cheated), the obsession with how attractive people at work and in other situations are (this always gets brought up in conversations, how attractive a female is or isn’t, what?!), the verbal abuse of me…how on earth am I supposed to be on the same page?
My libido is zero at the moment. I am going through the menopause, but it is not just that. I expect the major excuse, is that everyone else is doing it, so why can he not? Well, if I was doing something to upset someone I loved, I would not be doing that something anymore. I do not care what he did it when he was single or when he was with his ex-wife…I am here, now, this is a new relationship. I cannot even talk to him about it rationally, he gets angry when I try to talk to him about how his porn use upsets me. Oh it’s only such and such a week…let’s face it a lot of abusers have addictions also.
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I new my ex had a high sex drive …
But nothing compared to what I let myself in for!! 3 times a day 7 days a week .only time I got a break was once a mnth ..but he still was not satisfied..even when I was ill i said no ..but he kept saying I got needs needs .. eventually i gave him to him .. i was so so tired .I took his meds i needed a decent nightsleep i trusted him!!!! Then he abused me during night while sedated!! And brought an awful memory bk .. i just cant let go .. hes evil evil monster -
Freetobethegreatest..this is ‘familiar’ territory for me, like you…I found he was fairly obsessive about porn…we didnt watch it together, though I know he watched it..not that difficult, and I caught him watching it…when I thought we were having a ‘together’ night…all going good, then I went to look for him…yea.
I think he was driven to get a ‘fix’ of any sort, sex (yep DeathAngel looking over my shoulder!)booze, drugs, women, (thought he was a looker)..anything…he was insatiable. I suppose part of his personality type who thought that it was all there for the taking.
Me you them anyone was on his menu..his ‘imagination’ his world.. and lack of reality was a major part of the abuse. He removed himself from responsibility…porn being in the mix, disrespect, distance, negligence and never admitted!hideous for us and complex
C x
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Thanks for the replies i didnt think id be Alone.
For some reason im so upset by what he’s done
I know im an idiot for even caring!!!The fact is he said he was so sorry for everything he’s done, how he was going to change etc obviously id heard this a million times and knew he would never but him (removed by moderator) over porn is pretty much a kick in the teeth. Its just the prove i needed that he had no intention of changing he wasnt sorry at all. If you are sorry you dont do something like that. It shows what sort of person he is
Ohh and of course its my fault isnt it!!!
Because i wasnt having sex with him
…..i wonder why!!Oh and of course its the “stress” its funny because everything he does is down to stress. An excuse for everything.
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mine the same found out a few years ago that he had been using porn – paying online via a website, the one that has pictures, webcam, phone and escorts….I found old statements going back years with payments almost every week.. he denied it all knowledge then fessed up weeks later. Horrible. made me feel sick, but of course I ‘overreacted’
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Hi
My abuser told me he watched porn and studies show a link between porn and violence towards women. I think the police did research about 30 years ago to obtain this outcome.I am not surprised at all. Porn conditions men to think of women as objects rather than people as individuals.I shall never forget my abuser telling me that men would see me as a v***** on two legs.Even today, when I have low days, his ugly words come back to haunt me. This is a direct result of porn and our male culture.Page 3 is just as bad.It will be hard to eradicate because it entertains men and makes others rich.
Jupiter -
I know this is an old thread but I am so happy to read other women feel the same way as me about our society’s attitude towards sex, women and porn. I was feeling so alone about it like I must be some prudish relic from the past but the truth is I love sex but hate how cheap sex has become in today’s society. I hate things like Tinder and how people use it to hook up with multiple partners, having sex like it’s the same as having a cup of tea. That these apps are now the norm depresses me beyond belief. When I was dating using a website I was so disappointed in how casual the men were and how they wouldn’t even turn up clean and showered or even have the generosity to buy me a drink, they made zero effort and most just wanted no strings attached sex, yuck. I feel so relieved knowing I am not alone in my views on sex – that I see it as something special between a monogamous couple, that cheating is terrible (I can’t stand how so many people roll their eyes about cheating like it’s no big deal, it is HUGE deal and a despicable act!).
I never found my abuser watching porn but I am 100% sure he would have done, he had a sadistic streak and some of the things he did in bed reminded me of porn. Sex to him didn’t seem special, he just looked at me like I was a curious object during it and would immediately jump up afterwards without cuddling or any affection. He also didn’t really kiss me during sex so again I felt like an object. I also believe he used to go ‘dogging’ which is just vile and he my suspicions are correct he put my body and my health at huge risk by doing this, all with zero remorse.
I also hate the way music videos today are basically pornography, I read that now pornography directors are hired to direct music videos. Songs by famous singers who young girls follow are hardcore explicit, (detail removed by moderator), what happened to love songs!! It makes me feel so depressed inside how sleazy society has become and how sex is no longer cherished or respected. In my mind the whole point of sex is that is not something you do with everyone, that’s why you reserve it for your partner and why it is so great with them, because it is just something you and them do together. It is a special, intimate way to connect with someone you love. And I hate how people laugh at me like I’m a prude for not liking promiscuity and for wanting sex to be special. If we are now having sex with everyone, then what can we do with our partners that shows that it is a special connection?
What annoys me is that I have found most of my ex boyfriends were actually rubbish in bed and had no idea how to make it feel good for me. They think they are these desirable men but they actually have no idea how to please a woman. The irony is that I would love a partner I could be adventurous in bed with, under the condition that he was faithful, loving and honest with me. Men act like they have to trick women into having sex, when a lot of women actually want and enjoy sex, but what most of us seem to want is good quality sex with one man, something they don’t seem to understand. It’s like the conditions men and women want sex under clash.
I also hate the way celebrities are now famous for sex tapes, and have all these ridiculous fat injections in their bums then deny they have done it. What happened to natural beauty? What happen to being demure, classy, beautiful, elegant? I lead my life in line with my values but often feel very alone the way I don’t like promiscuity and sleaze. Apologies for hijacking this thread but it has made me feel better knowing I am not alone.
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where do i start on this, my abuser was a severe addict with porn, it was a fairly constant thing in his routine, being disabled he relied heavily on self pleasure to help him sleep during the day if he’d had a bad night, there were many days where whenever i went upstairs to take him a drink or for a chat he’d be ‘busy’ and im not talking once or twice but im talking almost constant some days. he would the blame me for spending too much time with the children for me to spend time pleasuring him, but then he’d never do anything with them in the house either.
it didnt bother me that he looked at porn, i did look a little, but never addicted. but the looking at escorts and the live cams did bother me, he liked to flirt message them etc.
in the end it was his porn addiction which was his downfall, (detail removed by moderator)i then realised he was manipulating me and mentally abusing me. I won’t ever let him back into my life! -
This is an interesting one. I’m sure all the men I know (have) watch(ed) porn, and probably most of the women, too. And then there is erotica literature, that’s not really that different, and of course the 50 shades phenomenon a few years back. (At this point I feel compelled to add I haven’t read or watched the series).
Of course there is a difference between occasional and obsession, and the type of content one is interested in. I doubt our abusers would have much interest in porn directed by women for women.
As long as there’s a healthy understanding of what’s real and what’s fantasy (and what’s an instruction manual!), for me it’s never been a problem. I too would not be happy with cam sites or escorts though, that’s a step beyond watching or reading a pre-made script.
However to each their own, equally valid views, I’m not by any means judging those who feel differently.
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Porn is never acceptable.
You all must be aware that porn is sexual abuse.
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Do you really think any girl likes to have (detail removed by Moderator) in front of others or being penetrated multiple times in front of a camera (detail removed by Moderator)?
You are deluded when you believe any girl enjoys this!
They have no choice in most cases, are either coerced into doing this due to poverty, sex trade from poorer countries, blackmailed, have already a history of child sexual abuse, you name the reasons!
And then what do you think are the consequences (detail removed by Moderator)? These girls develop serious health issues with their bowels.
The infection rates with STDs and HIV in those circles are huge but nobody talks about this.
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