Viewing 15 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #143365
      KIP.
      Participant

      An abuser will be charming, handsome, generous, caring, tactile, intelligent, funny all things they promised. After they show you they’re ugly, full of rage, angry, hateful, jealous, vindictive, blameless, this original fakery will reappear often to keep you hooked.

    • #143367
      Scottish Thistle
      Participant

      Can relate to this with my ex. They will also turn around and make it look like your the one with the problem and issues. They do slip up in time.

    • #143375
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      classic Jekyll & Hyde personality(ies?)

    • #143377
      KIP.
      Participant

      Yes very damaging to your mental health.

    • #143381
      beachhut
      Participant

      The liar was the trait I hated the most.

    • #143382
      KIP.
      Participant

      The gaslighting 😡

    • #143383
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      They will also present a different version of themselves to the public, even changing instantaneously if in a public place.

      Beware of relying on their words alone, judge their actions or lack of.

    • #143392
      gettingtired
      Participant

      This has kept me stuck for years and I’m sure many others. It is mind-blowing how one person can be the nicest, sweetest person one moment/day/minute/hour(!!) and verging on evil the next. It doesn’t add up to our normal perception of a person as being ‘all bad’ or ‘all good’ and the contrasts are extreme in the nice and nasty too. I am still struggling to get my head around it. The cognitive dissonance is real!

    • #143404
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      One mintue je calls me ugly and stupid the next im having an affair the next he loves me so much.
      Its mind blowing they wkll never ever show their true colours to anyone else but us this is what gets to me. Why me? What did i do wrong?

    • #143427
      KIP.
      Participant

      Nothing. It’s not personal. Your abuser could be my abuser. They have no depth and don’t care who they abuse. Who you are or what you feel.

    • #143465
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I’ve recently been watching a series about a well known serial killer. This person was a shining star of the community, sociable, well liked, trusted and well respected. I’m not comparing anyone’s abuser/ex on here to a serial killer but it’s the public facade they use that is similar.
      Behind closed doors it’s another story. It’s actually very frightening.

    • #143559
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      What I want to know though, is do they KNOW they’re doing it? Do they change like that on purpose to manipulate us, or is it genuinely how they feel? Or do they have some sort of personality disorder or something like that?

      • #143564
        KIP.
        Participant

        Yes they totally know it’s wrong. The times they will abuse you will be in private. If they had no control over their behaviour they would be doing it in public, in front of witnesses, police etc. I think it comes from their sense of entitlement. They feel entitled to abuse others and get their power trip from it. They won’t change so you need to get yourself out of this situation using all the help and support available. The longer you’re in an abusive relationship, the more damage is done to your mental and physical health.

    • #143561
      longjourneylife
      Participant

      The have beliefs ( could come from anywhere) and they believe they are cleverer and more important than anyone ( mainly women!) amongst other things.. ultimately they choose to be this way, drugs or booze or depression etc are all just excuses! No one deserves this treatment, and we are just good people, trying. They are able to manipulate themselves into ‘king’ It’s disgusting, but not personal. It was hard to realise I could have been anyone, but you have to know you do matter and their behaviour is not right or of a ‘normal’ person.

    • #143563
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      And once you leave, that’s what you miss, the good side of them.

    • #143565
      KIP.
      Participant

      What you miss is the fake side of them. That fake persona is how they keep you hooked in. In reality the good side was never real or genuine. Just part of the bigger controlling behaviour. Don’t make the mistake of believing they think like us, they don’t. They lack empathy, sympathy, are deeply selfish individuals and care nothing for the collateral damage to children and other family members. Run fast, fun far and don’t look back.

    • #143603
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      All so true, everything yo say and with me I see it in his eyes, sometimes sweet, smiling eyes, flirty and kind the man I want and those eyes you would never believe whats really behind them.

      Then the angry dark cold eyes appear, that stare and its the man I want to run away from.

      Its so easy to forget until you see the change again.

Viewing 15 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content