Abusive dad and step mum

[Pea2020]

hi

I think i just need to write stuff down because I’m confused.

My dad sexually abused me between the ages of (detail removed by Moderator) and (detail removed by Moderator). He wasn’t home that much at the time, so it was quite sporadic.

He used to physically punish me and my siblings and would sometimes beat my brother, even when my brother was screaming for him to stop.
Once I became a teenager, he would threaten to him me (but never did) occasionally, but not often.
He was mainly controlling and didn’t like any of my boyfriends or friends and would constantly invalidate my feelings and emotions. Everything was ok, as long as we all acted “pleasant” and agreeable in his eyes.

My step mum regularly used me to send nasty messages to my real mum. She would turn on you and spread lies about you if you disagreed with her. She also constantly invalidated me and i was always walking on eggshells around her. She isolated me from my friends, by telling me they didn’t really like me etc.
Both her and my dad encouraged regular humiliation and ridicule of my brother, publicly and at home. Obviously there were good moments too, but when I think of my childhood and teenage years, I just feel extreme stress and anxiety.

They also took (detail removed by Moderator) pounds that I inherited, with the promise of me getting it back. This was over (detail removed by Moderator) ago and everytime I ask about it, the story changes and I hear lie after lie.

Now I’m an adult and have my own kids. The past few years, I have managed to keep my distance and see them once or twice a year. The problem is they act so nice now, although I know that if I let them in more, the controlling behaviour will start again.

I just don’t know what to do. I know people have way more abusive parents. It’s just the fact they are acting like they want to help now and seem to not remember anything they have done that confuses me. It makes me doubt myself and feel like I’m going mad.

[Lisa]

Hi Pea2020

I just wanted to show you some support. I am so sorry to hear about what you went through as a child, it must have been such a difficult time for you growing up and now dealing with this as an adult.

You’re not going mad at all, and you are right to be worried about them being in your life as they may start to be controlling and abusive to you and your children.

It could be helpful for you to get some support. You can find your local domestic abuse service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

You could also speak to Rape Crisis who can let you know where you can get some local support around the sexual abuse, they can let you know what your options are going forward.

Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are,

Lisa

[Author]

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