Abusive messages/ignoring boundaries

[ultimatelyStrong]

What does (detail removed by moderator) think to a parent sending abusive messages and ignoring healthy fair boundaries about it?

I don’t retaliate, never have, and have never started anything. He just sends these horrible messages out the blue usually. Like in the evenings and actually they are worse when he has our daughter because I think he knows I have to look at them when she’s there just in case. When she’s not, I deliberately leave the messages unread for as long as I can. I’ve asked him a few times to keep messages to things relating to our child and he just sends another abusive message in response. He’s also started pushing the boundaries that (detail removed by moderator)/social services approves when we do the occasional handover in person.

(Detail removed by moderator)

[KIP.]

Do you have support from women’s aid. You need to keep all these messages and lay them out in the form of the harm they’re doing to you, as the mother of his child. And also the child. Don’t let (detail removed by moderator) minimise this. This is where WA are really helpful. I’d be asking for supervised visits and a third party for all contact. He’s obviously not putting the welfare of his child at the top of his priority and this is a huge red flag. Articulating this with the help of WA backed up by research on the detrimental health of the child by this kind of behaviour. Sadly I’ve read about (detail removed by moderator) not taking this seriously so backing up with research or an expert witness would help your case I think.

[cakepops]

How is he sending these messages? I would recommend only sticking to email or a parenting app, with texts in emergency only. Only respond to emails the night before/day of contact, and use the grey rock method to communicate (there’s loads of useful websites about this).

This is emotional abuse to you, and sadly unless you can prove emotional abuse to your children (exceptionally hard to do sadly) it is unlikely to be taken seriously. The best thing you can do is keep maintaining those boundaries, ask Women’s Aid for support with it, and then some CBT/counselling or similar to help with your own wellbeing. Keep a log too, and in particular anything that directly impacts upon the children.

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