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I have just been looking at some old photos of my dad who passed away some time ago. My dad was kind, decent, non abusive and loving. My mum is the same. Yes all of my adult life I have had one horrible relationship after another. This forum has helped me so much to look at my life and what has happened to me all of my adult life. I love my mum and dad, they are kind, decent good people. I think this will help me to raise the bar if ever I do get together with anybody again. My most recent ex and the one before him were HORRIBLE to me, made me mentally ill. Nobody should have to go through that. XXXXX
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I find this all very hard to understand too… My parents were and continue to be amazingly supportive, loving and non-abusive.
The more I look back at other relationships the more I realise they have all been abusive to a certain extent. I had a very abusive relationship with my brother so I wonder if my issues stem from him. I don’t think you necessarily have to have had an abusive relationship to start another – it all has to start somewhere doesn’t it?
TTMO X
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Coming from a very loving family, i just wasnt equipped or experienced to deal with an abuser. I didnt have a clue that true evil could share your bed and your life. Its not our shame. Many people are conned in different ways. I married a con man. If he had revealed his true self right away, i would never have fallen for him.
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My mam and dad were lovely. My dad died when (removed by moderator) and my mam quickly got with this guy who I hate. He is horrid and controlling. He screamed at me for having a mental illness – he seems to think they don’t exist. My mam never stands up for me so I don’t see either of them anymore. I don’t want negative ppl in my life.
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My parents are still together after 50+ years which is lovely but it does make me feel bad for not doing the distance in my own marriage but my dad was never like my husband. I didn’t realise it was abuse really until the last couple of episodes. He came from a very broken family and hates that I want to break up our one.
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I think thats part of my problem – I think because my parents marriage has lasted a massive amount of years that i should be able to do the same. They have gone through so much and stuck together – BUT They have a mutual respect for each other and are equal – i can’t say that about my relationship.
I think i might also struggle a bit as i took my vows seriously and from a religious point of view i wanted to honour the sanctity of marriage – BUT i know that God wouldn’t want me to suffer at the hands of this man either.
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My dad was just wonderful.
Abusers often target us….because we are a bit naive. We don’t know what to look for in abusers. Now I would know! I can spot n**********c crazies a mile away. A friend of the family have a daughter…she was going out with a guy who you could tell from the FB posts of them together…was a total controller and a bit mad. She dropped him. Thankfully.
I have 3 lovely brothers. I am used to nice men. Hubby just was a shock, a weird novelty, a mystery, something I just had no experience of. And he knew that. Jealous too of my happy family, my own personal ability to be joyful, they seem to need to feed off our happiness so that they can somehow survive in the world.There is nothing wrong with us…..its them. The abusers. We are just too bright and shiny and beautiful for their liking. 🙂
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Jennaflorrie – ‘funny’ you mention jealousy. My husband has always been jealous of my family and a more recent close friendship I have formed with a lady nearby. He has admitted it, openly but more recently my friendship has caused more abusive remarks like being a lesbian, my soul sister etc ,. So childish! X
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Jennaflorrie – I can so much identify with what you are saying. All of my adult life I have been in one unsatisfactory relationship after another. These have included psychical,mental, financial and sexual abuse. Not once have I ever felt really happy. I come from a loving family home with great, positive and inspiring parents. The naiviety bit you mentioned is true, as well as the wish to give disadvantaged people a chance. I have always managed to look past the surface and if people are not particularly nice I have given then the benefit of the doubt thinking that they must be damaged. My last 2 ex’s were real horrors, the one before that in the extreme psychopath range. I think that the last two mental abusers goal was to destroy me and my soul.
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My parent raised me with respect and I have so much love from my grand parents even my uncle and aunties. They thought me that I have same right as male, they educated me same like my brothers. When my ex beat me first time I was so angry and I can’t accept it. I always told him he does not have slight right to lay a finger at me, my parent who raised me never lay finger at me, and I don’t get told off much either. May be that feel making me so angry, humiliated, something that so wrong, and I spent almost a decade fighting to get my right. But I don’t think he ever get it. In his mind I am just crazy women who he not able to control. He hated me, all he want is hurting me in mentally and physically. Even when he stop physically abused me he hurt my feeling. All years I spent I can feel that all he wanted is see me crying, crawling, miserable person. Now that he is gone he can’t hurt me anymore.
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Oh yes. It’s the not knowing that such nasty people exist because your parents probably shielded you from all of that.
You didn’t learn how to be assertive or aggressive with abusive people.
This isn’t your parents fault. Just a quirk of nature.
This is what I mean when I say whatever your vulnerability is an abuser is skilled at finding it out and using it against you. Some of these vulnerabilities may be there from birth genetically. Psychological ones are harder to detect than physical ones such as being blind or deaf or being born without feet.
Everyone has weaknesses but everyone also has strengths. Emphasize your strength and an abuser will discard you and run a mile!
Good riddance!
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My parents were horrible.
But whatever, as a matter of fact, (detail removed by Moderator). It is pure luck to meet a good one. I never did.
I know only very few women who met good partners. The majority has troubles with the males.
Girls need to be educated not to marry and to be careful with the wish to have children.
Men will only start to behave when they face resistance from the women.
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