Access

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I left my relationship due to DA. I have had a baby with my ex.
I have been informed by social services that he would need to go via court if he wanted access.
I’m a bit confused as why he would? When he’s not been reported (by myself). I have been in refuge for a good long while so I am safe.

Would the court think it’s better we tried mediation first even tho DA has been involved?
He did express he wanted to see his child but only if we were to arrange it ourselves rather than the courts.

(detail removed by Moderator)

Thanks.
☺️

[Lisa]

Hi RedPanda2023,

I think what social services mean there is that you would be within your rights to deny him access and he would need to go through court to get it but if you choose to arrange it informally with him you can. It might be worth double-checking with them what they mean though. Mediation is not recommended with an abuser due to the risk of them manipulating the situation and using it as part of their abuse. There is an exemption to having to go through mediation before court where there has been DA.

Getting proper legal advice on these issues can be an important part of deciding what you want to happen. You could ask the staff at the refuge if they can help you access legal advice. You may be eligible for free legal advice from Civil Legal Advice (CLA) as part of Legal Aid, depending on your income. Rights of Women provide free, specialist legal advice, including how the fact you’ve experienced domestic abuse impacts legal processes. They have a lot of information in guides on their website as well as an advice line you can call.

Just a reminder to everyone that we can’t have details of court cases or other legal proceedings on the forum, as it is a public space, so please avoid sharing these if you are replying here.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Llgirl]

Sounds like a big red flag/warning that he’d rather go through you informally than the courts. Until you have a child arrangements order you both share PR and he could essentially stop your child from having contact with you and then you would need to file an application to the court which could take weeks and weeks for you to then see your child.

If he’s been abusive to you/infront of children, whilst you were pregnant they would do a risk assessment of his behaviour.

Court can be hard but I have heard horror stories of women trying to negotiate with their abusers themselves.

Stay safe x

[Author]

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