Accusations

[Lavenderrose]

Hi everyone!
So it’s been some time since I left him but out of the blue he has suddenly become fixated on me having an affair?? Something is never do as at the time I loved him deeply as desperately wanted our relationship to grow and flourish, with eventually the addition of more children together.
I am absolutely shocked that he’s coming out with all this now as so much time has past. This wasn’t even mentioned in court! He’s always been obsessed about talking to me alone but I have never given him an opportunity as I was too scared. He knows why I left but he refuses to accept that he was to blame.
Sounds like he’s upping the anti again! I finally have somewhere to live but my family are worried about this sudden change of behaviour.
I just don’t understand why he’s doing this all now?? He says he has proof and is trying to involve family members x

[Eggshells]

Well, you know that he doesn’t have proof.

When you say that your family are worried, do you mean that they are worried for your safety?

[Lavenderrose]

Yes exactly that, just seems weird that he’d start all of this after all this time?!
He’s gone from not talking to now keeping at the door at pick ups etc x

[Eggshells]

Hmm. Yes, it does sound strange. Has something rattled his cage do you think?

The trouble is that some abusers just can’t let go. They need someone in their lives to take it out on or in some cases, to draw their narc feed from. Whoever, has fulfilled those roles for him since you left may have gone now. Or, he’s finally reached the point where he can no longer keep up the pretence of his best behaviour. It almost feels as though he’s trying to hoover you back in so that he can hurt you again and more than he did before. Sounds like you may need to find a strategy to put him firmly at arms length again. Is there’s anything that you would feel comfortable with?

[Lavenderrose]

I honestly have no idea. I just don’t get it after all this time?! He’s so desperate to get me alone to talk about things but there’s nothing to talk about. We should just be able to get on and stick to the court order we have for our child x

[Eggshells]

Yes, I agree.

You might just need to be firm and tell him that you don’t want to talk. He can’t really argue with that. If he does, just keep repeating it like a broken record. Eventually, he’ll get the message. He’ll be furious but he will get the message.

[Anonymous]

Hi Lavenderrose, from my experience I have learnt that the accuser is the accused! My abuser would accuse me of all sorts, even though I didn’t go anywhere unless it was to work and then home with my children. And then I realised it was him having the affairs. I had doubts anyway but during the last year he was very open about it all. It’s messed up how some men play this little game , but it does happen. X

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