Accusing me of taking him to the brink of a breakdown

[Tigerwasp]

I had been planning on leaving my abusive husband in the new year and then at the beginning of last month he said he wasn’t happy and should we separate. I bravely said yes.
Now at the end of (detail removed by moderator) he moves out, he had been good about money. In fact we had been getting on so well, I stupidly put my guard down.
I was going to go to the cinema with him (detail removed by moderator), I was feeling unwell but was pushing myself rather than disappoint him 🤦🏻‍♀️. Then our daughter became ill and I had a cancel.
He was hoing mad saying his daughter didn’t want to speak to him and he felt like a spare part (she was sleeping).
He is now accusing me of pushing him to the brink of a breakdown, as he feels I have taken everything from him and left him with nothing.
We were meant to spend time together other Christmas and boxing day and now I’m genuinely worried. What will happen if we do or if we don’t.

[fizzylem]

Ignore him, dont buy into it, into his delusions – into feeling sorry for him or that you have caused this in some way – its rubbish isnt it. Just like you would deal with a child having a p***y, remove yourself, give him space to calm down and get a grip of himself. If he wants to join you at Christmas then he’ll need to apologise hey.

Youre trying to hold it together to try and keep things as normal as possible for your child and he is exploiting this – which shows us so clearly how dreadful he can be, how he will say and use anything to try and get his own way, even use or blame his child. Sounds like it would be good to have him around if he can behave and if not, then it’s his loss and you and your child will have a relaxing time together anyway. You will find the right words for your child if it comes to this.

He wants a reaction here – so dont give him one x

[KIP.]

Being friends with an abusive ex never works. They wear a mask and when he left he probably had a different agenda than you. My ex used our separation to see other women while we were supposed to be still in a relationship. They are liars. You need to set boundaries. If you’re separated then that means separate lives. His Mr Nice act didn’t last long did it? Make a clean break. Agree a contact order for the children and keep him out your life. Write down a journal of all the abusive episodes and how they made you feel x

[fizzylem]

Bear in mind that it might be the case that in his mind he’s tried being nicey nicey to get his own way, get back in maybe and this hasn’t worked, so now he’s going to try and gain control over you by any other means. I tried to be amicible, doesn’t work – they always move the goal posts and exploit what they view as your vulnerabilties x

[Author]

Posts