30th July 2020 at 10:02 am #111219Random.Participant
It’s been a while since I posted, but I’m just feeling frustrated.
I’m just to the point where I want to give in now, give a retraction & just be done with it.
I miss him terribly & haven’t spoken to him in over (removed by moderator) now AT ALL.
It’s so hard going from that constant source to absolutely nothing. I can’t complain really as everyone has been so amazing to me all this time & I know I should only be looking forward but I just want to speak to him.
I’ve even been speaking to someone else which was extremely unexpected who is so lovely & patient with me but I can’t get him out of my head.
If I were to contact the prison where he is would it be possible for me to speak to him?
His (removed by moderator) & I just want to cave completely now, it’s not worth it.
No one is telling me anything & my life is just in a constant state of numbness & frustration, it feels like my own life isn’t in my hands anymore. The police got what they wanted & there is absolutely zero support from anywhere anymore. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful & I am so thankful I have the people in my life I do but I can’t open up properly to them about what I actually feel inside I just need some help & I think if I speak to him it will give me a form of closure perhaps?
30th July 2020 at 4:25 pm #111228SleepyParticipant
I don’t know your background but Don’t give up. Life sounds really tough at the moment for you but it’s worth keeping going. I hope you can find someone to open up to about you feelings, I’m sure people on here will help as much as they can. Could you get some counselling? You will miss him, it’s like grief but do you really want to speak to him? Or do you want to move on?
31st July 2020 at 7:37 am #111268Soulsearcher18Participant
I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.
I am thinking, perhaps as a safety measure maybe try talking to some professionals before seeking out contact with him.
It’s kind of like, if I really, really need straight talking but with someone I can be entirely open with – I will contact my DA support worker. I know that she’s 110% with me, will support me but also tell me straight.
I guess it is having access to that kind of person though, if you don’t have then this might be a really good time to seek out services and try to find them.
Maybe try contacting Women’s Aid via this site, or there are a few women on here who have recommended the Samaritans for someone to talk to.
I hope that you can keep sharing with us too if that helps.
31st July 2020 at 8:18 am #111270WiseafterParticipant
Hi Random When I get those strong, strong urges to speak to my ex I come on the forum and just type it all out. I cry and let out my emotions. I go on you Tube and check out videos from Inner Integration Meredith Miller, she gives me incredible strength, and validates where I am and how I feel. I try not to question or to be ashamed of missing him and understand that it simply will take time and accept there will be no closure. I have also got counselling now with someone who is experienced with abuse, which is a safe space to share inner most private thoughts and get guidance. Contacting him would not really be the best thing to do, you are currently still fighting those strong addiction/biological urges that kept you with him. Its normal. Its OK. I miss my ex everyday, even though I know what he put me through. I keep a document on my computer called ‘Read this when you miss him’ and it has all the things he said/did and how it made me feel and it helps remind me why we are not together. No contact is best but can take alot of effort and determination. You have to work at it. Be kind to yourself. You are doing brilliantly. Focus on your self now and don’t give him any more of your emotions or power. You are all that matters from now on x
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