This topic contains 9 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  maddog 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

  • Author
  • #77833

    It’s a sinker. I’m not in therapy at the moment. I finished a few months ago. Bit by bit the trauma is sinking in. It’s hard not to drown. My mind is largely blank. I have a high score on the Child Adversity Experience scale and I can see how my behaviour and life fits the bill. I so want to be able to move on from this. It’s like a ball and chain attached to my head.

    I feel as though my life is behind me.

    My health, physical and mental, my work life, my abusive marriage. Sometimes it feels like too great a burden to bare. The children talk about being ‘dead inside’. It’s how I feel.

  • #77835
     [email protected] 

    can they offer you longer term therapy ie for at least six months? i was told that i needed long term trauma therapy through work counselling. not sure if thats how it works. it sounds like you need to reach out to your GP again. its horrible when we feel so weighed down by all of this it is a lot to deal with you will get through this MD you sound very down im sending you a virtual hug xxxx love diymum

  • #77842

    Thank you diymum. Hug accepted and very much appreciated. Everyone talks so much about self care. It’s not my life. I don’t know how to do it.I just feel broken.

  • #77843

    Oh MD, I too am sending you a big hug. 🤗 that dead feeling, it’s a terrible burden to bear. How are we supposed to help our children through this if there’s no-one there for us. I pray you find the strength to love yourself someday soon. You’ve been through so much, it truly is hell on earth.
    IWMB 💞💞

  • #77847
     Twisted Sister 

    Another huge hug from me too Maddog, if wanted.

    A very deep level of trauma therapy is needed for women and child that have suffered the abuser.

    It really does kill you inside. It strips away trust and love and leaves you broken.

    You are not alone.

    What help is available for children that have been emotionally killed by their abuser.

    Bless them.

    I would say, your best therapy can be each other. Making each other feel loved and valued, though little acts of kindness often. Special bedtime routines can be soothing and healing for for all.

    Listening to audio stories together, or reading stories.

    Making duvet nests and snax for movie nights. Finding places to go as a family to share god experiences together and start to rebuild and recover.

    Thinking of you in your struggles Maddog.

    Warmest wishes

  • #77848
     Twisted Sister 

    *good [experiences] (not ‘god’ but those too if that’s your thing!)

  • #77850

    Hi MD,
    Just wanted to send a hug your way, too.
    This is an awful lot to deal with by yourself. I agree with what’s been said on here already, so I would try and talk with a GP and push for more therapy and make it quick. Sounds like you really are in need of it. Keep posting on here as well, no matter what you feel, you can always write it out to us on here.
    I hope you will be able to sleep well tonight. Thinking of you.

  • #77858

    Thank you all so much for a big group hug. So much needed! I have found an EMDR therapist locally who I will go to in due time. I’ve spent most of my adult life under some shrink or other. Really awful things happened when I was tiny and I think it was those things that triggered me into thinking I wasn’t wanted. The things that happened were never spoken about. I am going to a family funeral which is connected to one of those dreadful things.

    I was the scapegoat of the family.

  • #77863

    Thinking of you maddog.

    And another virtual hug on way.

    I read somewhere that for women like us it is particularly hard to show compassion for self. (I do find this).

    They suggest that we may fnd it easier to be compassionate towards our kids and somehow ‘sneak’ ourselves into that circle of compassion – and that we might find that easier…

    so duvet hugs and nice food healing…

    strength to you and the bunch


  • #77898

    Thank you all again. You brilliant women you! Today has been a bit more normal. Took the dogs for a long rumble in the jungle and felt the warmth of the air and the ground beneath my feet. I even tried jogging for a little bit. I’m no jogger, hands in pockets, poo bags attached in a pair of wellies.

    Finally my ex has allowed me to find a different estate agent. I was feeling so trapped and as though I was going to die in this trap. So the house is a bit less muddy and hairy than usual and it’s time for those dodgy second hand house salesmen to come round. Ugh. The slick shoes, the fake tan, the quiffy hair….

    I really think the previous estate agent did a lousy job. They caused immense damage with the description of the house at the beginning by suggesting that it would take ££££££ to get right and anyone who bought it would be living in a caravan till the end of time.

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