Advice

[Winter2022]

I am really struggling and looking to get some advice about support. I want to talk to someone about how I feeling but don’t know if I talk to a counselor (general) or reaching out to someone involved in abuse support groups. I don’t want to make out that I’m not in a toxic relationship but I’m not at risk and don’t want the person to escalate it to someone else (as I note it says about confidentiality and alerting appropriate services if your at risk). Who is the best to talk to about this sort of problem?
Previously I went to a counselor (detail removed by moderator) but I wasn’t honest about my toxic relationship and I felt like I was just lying to her, it felt really fake and I want to be honest with someone. I don’t have anyone else to talk to about how I’m feeling and I just want to be able to trust someone. Any help would be grateful. It would be great if it’s 1:1 rather than a group sort of thing.

[nbumblebee]

Find a counsellor that you get on with one that understands.
I never thought id be the type to talk to a counsellor my husband would go mad if he knew nobody at all in my life knows but to me its very much needed.
Its not easy i struggle with words im ashamed but she encourages me to write things down and we talk it through. Its ok to need help to talk things through this is not an easy life to live we can often feel so alone i know i do every day so having someone to talk too is so important. I hope you find someone sweetie I really do x*x

[Lisa]

Hi Winter2022,

Speaking with your local domestic abuse service may be an ideal place to start. You can talk in confidence, and one-on-one about all that is happening. They are not there to judge or tell you what to do, but to listen and assure you they understand. They can offer both emotional and practical help if needed/wanted. This is a free service as well, so use them on-going as you need. They may also have links to good counsellors that understand the dynamics of domestic abuse.

You can also always join Women’s Aid Live Chat service as that is one-on-one as well.

You may also find it useful to take part in the Freedom programme, which is an 11 or 12 week rolling programme which provides information about male violence to women. This programme identifies the tactics abusers use, the beliefs held by abusers, and the effects that domestic abuse can have on women and children. The Freedom Programme is for women who have experience of domestic abuse, be it in their personal or professional lives. You can start the programme at any time, and you can attend as many or as few sessions as you choose. Each session is entirely confidential, and you can contribute as much, or as little, of your own thoughts and experiences as you like. Many women find this a very useful support group as it is available to women whether they are experiencing current or past abuse. This is available to do as an online course that you can do yourself as well if preferred.

You could also perhaps try calling Supportline who offer confidential emotional support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200 or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.

I hope this is helpful.

Lisa

[Author]

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