Advice

[seaglass]

Hi, I’m asking him to go today – on basis on needing space. It’s my family’s home. My friend and children will have my son. I’m hoping it will be calm, but is there anything I should be aware of? I’m feeling guilty.

[iliketea]

I don’t know your whole journey but I would say not safe to empty the house. I think you need someone there or you need to do it outside where there are people close by. A pub garden? It’s the most dangerous time. Even if he hasn’t been violent before. Please consider this, it’s hard to believe I know but it is often the first time physical violence is used. If he’s losing his supply, you, he’s losing what’s feeding his power and control. Remember he feels entitled to you, your house, your children, your life. If you tell him that’s all over it’s likely he’s going to put up a fight. Depending on the background you will probably be better applying for an occupation order and a non-molestation order. Rights of Women can help you with this, it’s not expensive, some parts are free. It’s your house, he’s been abusing you, he needs to leave. They will definitely count in your favour. You’re in a strong position. Please be very careful. Xx

[Headspinning]

Yeah I agree with being very careful of being alone. Meet somewhere public and gave his stuff already packed and ready to be dropped off at his family or friends house. Don’t get in car alone with him. Do t go anywhere with him afterwards.
Maybe have a friend ready to come round within a short period of time if you must do it at home. Maybe agree with friend they will arrive at a certain time. Maybe tell the police you are doing it and they are more likely to respond quickly (or at least tell him that’s the case!? )
I used to think about just packing up all his stuff when he was out, changing the locks and that was it – but of course I never did.
I know if I had sat down to rationally discuss it’s highly unlikely he would have calmly agreed then just gone – sense of entitlement is huge and they think they have a right to be there.
I just got lucky because he left as part of an escalated arguement and I didn’t let him cone back!
Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[seaglass]

Thank you fir the helpful advice. I ended up not doing anything (detail removed by moderator) as unfortunately had to have my (detail removed by moderator) put to sleep. I have an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow so will take advice from her. It’s just so weirdly mellow and quiet here that I feel like I’m the bad one doing something wrong. Thanks again

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