Advice about non-molestation order

[Anonymous]

I have not posted before but have recognised much of my experiences here on this forum. I separated from my husband (Detail removed by moderator) ago but he has refused to move out. I was previously advised to apply for a non-molestation order but didn’t and six months later have been advised to send a solicitors letter warning him I will apply for non-molestation order/non-occupation order if his behaviour persists (and I will this time). We have two young children. I am concerned about how a non-molestation order works if he remains in the house as he is very vindictive and will make life hell for me and the children. I’m worried he will start taking the children away and doing things with them without informing me. Will a non-molestation order in the absence of a non-occupation order help in my circumstances do you think? It’s mostly emotional/psychological abuse and comments about me/our relationship in front of the children. Any thoughts would be so much appreciated.

[maddog]

Hi Livinginhope, please contact WA and get some real life support in place. Please also try Rights of Women where you can get free legal advice. ROW have very limited hours and are very busy. Persist. It took me about an hour to get through with answering machines or engaged tones. Keep trying on and on. If you need an injunction as an emergency there is a number you can call. WA will know.

If you haven’t already done so, please let the police know about your circumstances. They are there to keep us safe. If you don’t feel safe at home, please report it. Again, WA can help you through this.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your advice Maddog. I have been in touch with WA for a while and have a solicitor. I think the truth is that there are no easy choices… but hopefully somewhere down the line things will be easier. It really helps to be on the forum because feeling like no one else really understands what it’s like to live with someone who bullies you, intimidates you and gaslights you is so hard.

[KIP.]

I think living with an abuser is not advisable. With or without a non molestation order. When they see a red mist and attack you, they don’t think about a non molestation order. These men are most dangerous when we try to leave or soon after. You need to work on separation physically. Even if that means you moving out with the children. I tried living with my abuser after legally separating and his abuse escalated. With abusers it’s all about control. He will see a non molestation order as losing control. Also, please don’t ever warn him in advance. He can go straight to court and get a non molestation order or exclusion order against you before you even try. Or he can block your order in the court first. He will lie and manipulate the system. Put all your engery into physically leaving or having him completely removed from the home.

[Anonymous]

Thank you KIP for your comments. I think I’m still on the path to building strength. I know I’m stronger than I was but moving out is terrifying too… it will enrage him. So will any kind of injunction. I’m just still very intimidated by him but I am stronger than I was. I’m just going to keep going forward…

[Swallow]

I remember all the feelings you have prior to getting a non-mol order. the day I got the order I was panicking so much about how my ex would react even though I had already left the family home with our children. I can honestly say it was the best decision for me – it has given me some power back, enabled me to feel safer and created safe boundaries.
The other thing that has been the life changing influence for me has been getting help from a psychotherapist – that has reinforced why these orders are so important by giving you understanding of their behavior and these boundaries we put in place such as non-mol orders are the best way to help break free physically

x

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your understanding and encouragement Swallow. I am afraid of him reading this thread and recognising me so feel I can’t fully describe where I’m up to or express my thoughts and feelings. It’s been so helpful to hear from you all. Thank you.

[Author]

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