Advice/moral support needed thanks

[freedomtochoose]

Hello there,

You ladies have been so helpful – just thought I would post here about a situation that is troubling me.

Basically, I’m not well enough to do paid work and since finishing college back in summer I think my condition and disability has got worse. This is quite a difficult thing for me to accept as I don’t like being stereotyped. I still get terrible social anziety, depression, nightmares and basically chronic ptsd although I’ve never had a psychiatric diagnosis, just a few years ago I described the symptoms to my G.P and he agreed with me that that was what it was.

Since then I’ve been using self-help to manage the condition. Different thiings. I didn’t get on with anti-depressants.

I actually feel a lot of shame around this, as I don’t feel there is much understanding out there and now our local health centre has changed management so I’m facing the hurdle of going back to a different G.P. I did try a private one some months ago and could perhaps go back to them in a couple of weeks.

In the meantime I’ve kind of been limping along mental health wise. I’ve had so much stress in recent years I’m trying to accept he fact that I seem to need some space to process things. Not that I get much of that being a single parent, but there you go.

I do really need to get G.P sorted in next few weeks as I have yet another ESA assessment which is causing me some concern. I also get PIP currently and last assessment was early summer for that.

Still facgn the hurdle of turning up to do paperwork again at the G.P.
any thoughts ladies?
thanks
ftc
x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi ftc, i am the same as you but don’t have ptsd. Im going to cab next week for some benefits advice as i feel that is one of the main reasons im staying with my OH. I get pip but am scared I’ll have to do re assessments, it’s been a few years since i handed in sick notes to esa who no longer needed the sick notes, so i think I’ll be seen as new claimant although i might not be. That’s why we need to talk to those who know and not what goes on in our heads. I dont get any money from them as previous jobs were part time due to health deteriorating and my OH works. Mental health issues are still shameful to admit to, they shouldn’t be but they are.
UC scares the bejesus out of me, it should be better by 2019, at the moment it’s not set up to help those who need it most. It only helps the government
Doing these forms does not help our mental health one bit. Our self esteem is next to to nil thanks to the abuse we endured, could you get cab to help you with the forms?
Take care ftc
IWMB 💕💕

[NewWings]

Hi Freedom, It sounds as though you are ruminating a lot about your situation and feeling trapped. You mention you are a single mum, is there anyway you could get out for a walk? I have bipolar diagnosed when I was older. My ex used this as another stick to beat me with. I think my Dr realises that I have been living with a huge amount of trauma which can trigger ptsd and bipolar. You are right to fight against labels as they can lead people to assume you are less than capable. Isolation is the thing with perpetrators they know instinctively that if it goes on long enough we will do it to ourselves. Have you ever sat down and written down all your strengths triumphs etc. You completed college something to be very proud of, you are a single mum doing the work of two parents. I can only go on my experience but I decided to not give a dam what others thought of me,especially those that support my abusive ex and that’s a large chunk of my family. How people’s perceptions of an individual can be warped by smearing of their character. My advice is hold your head up did you do any of this to yourself? You were bullied by someone severely enough that it has caused ptsd. You were left with anxiety is it any wonder, the one you loved turned out to be a monster. People who truely love you have your back forever. All of us need love but we were duped by wolves in sheeps clothing. My ex played a blinder lied through his teeth and did everything in his power to keep me in my place. He even got neighbours to report back to him. Practise some self love a relaxing bath a book (books have been really beneficial for me a few chapters and I’m off to sleep straight away)Now I always have a book by my bed. You are smarter and braver than you think. Sadly not every woman gets away and as is born out by my ex and his brother their temper does not get any better. Although my ex has now got my sons,lovely new girlfriend all he does is moan and say his life is ruined and that I did it. They never ever self reflect ever. We aren’t just survivors we are warrior women. Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

Hi there ladies, freedom to choose,

I am wondering will your GP release any records from a psychologist? Not sure if you’ve had a consultation but I know you can request all information about yourself now. Just thinking for your benefits assessment, and making sure the assessor has a good understanding of PTSD? Im a real pain in the arse, i print info out and take it along with me for them to read!

It is shocking that there is so little understanding or empathy for mental health issues in this day and age. My mother had schizophrenia and all through my life i was labelled “the crazy womans kid!” I was always very defensive with regards to these horrible attitudes towards my mum. My mum inherited this and it is an illness like any other.She is such a lovely gentle woman but people were really cruel to her.The problem is ignorance creates fear and when people don’t understand they shy away from it dont they? Hopefully these assessors will have some professional insight 🙂 After all these mental health issues in these cases mainly stem from how badly we have been treated! I hope they scrap UC soon because it definitely dosent serve the people well who deserve support and security. I hope everthing goes well for you 🙂 DIY

[freedomtochoose]

Thanks everyone, there is a lot here to consider.

Yesterday I forced myself to go back to the health centre and fill in the forms so that I can register online and book appointments myself and get hold of a summary care record – which I intend to take both
to the ESA assessment and a private G.P as well that I saw some months ago. Couldn’t afford to go recently and had not been able to do that paperwork before as unbelievably the whole of our local health centre’s future was in doubt due to funding issues and it has only just reopened after a time of closing. This is a dreadful thing as it affected more than a 1000 people. The cuts eh.

So at least I’ve done a first step on that one. I have had so many bad experiences with G.Ps was how I went to a private one. I can’t afford it but the stress of going back to a health centre where there seesm to be no confidentiality (i.e. everyone has to stand in reception when they discuss their concerns and I have regularly heard people who are forced to list the medications they are taking in public as they haven’t received them…).

So, over the years, little specialist support for me. I have had training myself and therefore understand that for me at this point – CBT does not help., and I also understand why it doesn’t help right now. So the only free counselling service which is available is not going to assist me.

I had a good counsellor but can’t afford the 40 odd quid at the momement.

So in answer to your question – yes, there is somewhere I can go locally that does not cost any mooney outdoors which has been my saving grace when I get overwhelmed.

All in all, like many of us I am scared of being taken off ESA PIP etc – I have been lucky to get it but really don’t feel right now that I could do a job as well as being a single mum to a pre-teen.

It is difficult isn’t it, as assessors don’t seem to see that as a mum you have no choice but to do the child care work – i.e. meals, cleaning etc – and dont’ seem to understand how much of a struggle it all is for us and how little support (if any) we get from our exes.

It does my head in that as parents we are supposed to work harder and harder with greater and greater challenges and I hate that assessors attitude ‘well, if you can do X you can also do Y’. As if we don’t deserve rest, sleep, time out from child care to get ourselves better –

all best
ftc
x

[Iwantmeback]

I know you’re not this far with regards assessments yet. Many many people who are found fit for work, once they appeal, the original diagnosis is nearly always overturned. I’m not sure of the stats off the top of my head but they are pretty high. All that turmoil for you and 8/10 cases are normally overturned. It’s criminal and further more a form of further abuse at the hands of the government.
Try not to worry, it’s very difficult as we always overthink things and play out the worse case in our heads.
IWMB 💕💕

Ps when you go for an assessment get someone to go with you. Im not saying play up the mental side of things but don’t minimise that side either. Let them know everything you have had to put up with, your drs info will corroborate it anyway.💞

[freedomtochoose]

Hello Iwantmeback,
thank you so much for this it helps.
Don’t have anyone at all to go with me but maybe the Goddess will send someone…
all best
ftc
x

[freedomtochoose]

So. Although not at all feeling like it, I have made appointment with Dr’s. Again. And will try to delay the assessment and get another date so that I can have all my ducks in a row with regard to having my summary notes ready and recent Dr’s visit.

I got hold of the notes from the PIP assessment. It wasn’t very nice reading – she didn’t seem to have understood anything. From her training she is a paramedic it said, so I think she imagines the only form of PTSD being a short, sharp shock and not a chronic condition that can re-occur.

I felt very down reading the notes and tried to put them to one side. Unfortunately, I’m having real problems going out at all at the moment. Sometimes it seems I can’t do anything right in some peoples eyes. If you try to do something for yourself to help yourself feel better some people think you are capable of anything. If you feel you need peace and quiet to get better (not that I have much)…you get criticised for not trying…

I have got an assessment to get some help with housework and motivation – which I can pay for two hours a week out of my disabilty money. I know that there are some worse off, but think I must be expererincing some sort of relapse at the moment.

all best
ftc
x

[Author]

Posts