Advice needed

[she-ra]

Hello lovelies,

I am nearly (detail removed by moderator) out which I can’t quite believe, oh how different life is, I never imagined I would get here but am so glad I am. No contact for just over a few months (detail removed by moderator) I have never reported the abuse, I have had counselling but taking a break due to counselling and I have 4 wonderful children who are doing well. The abuse was physical, emotional, financial, sexual, verbal and the rest! I stayed for and it(detail removed by moderator) took all I had to leave. There is nothing legal in place. Basically the day he left he attacked me, my (detail removed) told him to get off me and leave me alone, he absolutely flipped and smashed up the house only targeting mine and the children’s stuff, (detail removed) i was ready to run, when he saw I was going he said don’t bother I’ll go and he did. It wasn’t easy but I managed to keep him away and he’s bought his own house now while I rent the home we all lived in. The children have said they don’t want to see him so have no contact. He hasn’t tried to go to court or anything ywt. All was peaceful and we were doing well.

He comes from a large family and we’ve had no contact from them either apart from one of his sisters at Xmas when she dropped off some cards/presents. She made a point of telling me how angry he still was with me, no one can say my name or he kicks off and I could see how scared they all are of him. (detail removed) decided to attack me verbally via social media. Telling everyone I am the perpetrator, a liar, parading as a victim when I’m not, manipulative, attention seeking, stuck up, need psychological help, have brainwashed the kids etc etc. This really threw me and upset me, I am back to feeling ok now but it has got me thinking. I didn’t rise to it and have not responded, have deleted the posts and blocked them all. What I’m waiting for now is for his lordship to get wind of it and make contact having a go at me or trying to see the kids. What do I do? Do I just leave it and see what happens or do I start legal proceedings? I am loath to rock the boat but am left feeling scared, nervouse and stupid.

Thank you so much for reading. xx

[diymum@1]

Hi there xx it’s easy for them to blame the victim remember I’d block them too on everything. If he gets in Touch ID be tempted to say if you want to know and see the kids you take this down an official route ie court. Let him take you to court as it makes no difference whether your the respondent or the pursuer. Let him do it sit back and go no contact xx I’d prepare for court now start gathering evidence just in case xx

[she-ra]

Thank you so much for your reply. I have photographs of some of my injuries but worry as we’re nearly a year down the line it is too late to report anything if I wanted to. I am not sure I do, like I said I just want him to leave us alone and as long as he does I don’t feel the need to report him if that makes sense. I have told him when he first left if he wanted to see the children to take me to court. As yet he hasn’t and I think it’s because he knows they will speak to the children and the truth will have to come out. xx

[she-ra]

Just thinking, can I go to the police station and just ask for some advice as opposed to pressing charges? Just want to know what is available to em really.

[diymum@1]

Yeh you don’t have to press charges. I’d do this before any custody proceedings tho because sometimes the construe this as you wanting to win custody. Like being malicious so I’d do it before hand xx and don’t mention custody

[she-ra]

Thank you so much that’s really good to know. So do I just go to the police station and ask to speak to someone about domestic abuse? So sorry to be naive just not sure how it all works! Xx

[diymum@1]

I’d ask for a DV trained officer. I’d also check your police forces rating and on line for dealing with dv. I will be honest it can be a post code lottery some are more understanding and better trained than others so if u hit a brick wall u might have to be persistent or maybe even complain xx hopefully they will be helpful xx 😘

[diymum@1]

I know with 101 you don’t have to give your name xx

[she-ra]

Thank you so much, I shall look into this. I still feel like I’m not ready to report the abuse, not sure if I ever will be but would like more information on support that is potentially available to me as I have not had any professional help apart from private counselling for a few months. xx

[diymum@1]

Get womens aid to support u through all off this xx were here 🤗

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