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    • #19870

      How do you handle your child disclosing abuse to you? We have been left for sometime now as many of you will remember. Just resently my eldest has started coming out with “can you remember when…..” and follows through with something that he did. but today she has disclosed physical abuse. I have tried to reasure her. but i feel so incredibaly guilty. why didn’t I leave sooner? why didn’t i recognise he was hurting the children. I don’t know what to think or do

    • #19887

      Listen, and ensure they know that you believe them.
      You could also speak to the police. Maybe they can use this as evidence against him.

    • #19904
      Main Moderator

      Hi Inneedofsomepeace,

      I just wanted to show you some support at such an upsetting time. Anyanna’s advice is good, as long as you listen and believe them and reassure them that it is not their fault that is the main thing. I would also recommend speaking to social services and the the child’s school about what they are saying. Social Services can arrange for a professional to talk to your child. Your local Women’s Aid group might be able to put you in touch with a good children’s worker and some counselling too. Please try not to look backward, only forwards. You are a good Mum and you have done your best in a very difficult situation. Try to be proud of yourself, you should be.

      Best wishes,


    • #20163

      I contacted social services, they weren’t interested I guess because they aren’t in contact with him. But there is nothing in place to say he can’t have contact. My solicitor adviced me not to go for a residency order with perhibative steps as he would probably be given some kind of contact.

      I find it so hard to think I didn’t protect my children. I was also abused as a child and my great sadness is that my mum didn’t protect me, I feel like I’m no better a mum than she was. My youngest has sevear speach delay and speach sound disorder and is also now being referred to a peadiatrition for concerning behaviour they are concerned he may have autism, so he can’t even tell us what has happened to him. Also he is still very young and can’t even recognise his dad in photos now. It is all so hard, I thought once we left it would all be over, if only I had known. He is still trying to control and emotionally abuse me through posts he puts on social media. I know I shouldn’t look but he is saying the most horrible things about my family and myself. Aswell as saying about the area we have moved to I have to look to make sure he hasn’t found our exact location. My daughter has openly told myself and school that she is petrified he will find her. We have all reasured her that he can’t get near her and that school wont let him near her that they have a photo so they know what he looks like but how can I keep telling her this when I know he knows the area we’re in? I am so scared. He has recently stated that he won’t stop with his posts until I stop with my ‘lies’ I am sure this is witness intimidation as the (detail removed by Moderator). But I haven’t phoned the police as all I get is he hasn’t breached his restraing order. They have openly admiutted he’s being clever and getting around it by not mentioning names. I feel at a loss. Sorry this is such a long post.

    • #20167

      For your youngest I think play therapy would help him to express what goes on in his mind and to come to terms with it. He needs specialist counseling. The paediatrician can arrange this.
      The anxiety of your daughter is very understandable. Make sure she always has a mobile phone on her and tell her to ring 999 immediately if she feels scared.
      I understand how you feel about this. But you stopped it. Remember that you did not allow the abuse to continue.
      You took your children out of the situation.
      You did well. You did the best that you could do. Do not be too hard on yourself. You have been through a lot and it always takes a while to get out of an abusive relationship.
      Now you need to treat the damage that this has done to your kids.
      You can see that they suffered and you respond to it in the right way. Again, you do the right thing.
      It will take all of you time until you are all content. This is normal.
      Things will get better.
      Carry on doing what you do. You are on the right track.
      Try to ignore his posts on social media. He is vile and he wants to hurt you. Block him if possible. Mostly such remarks are of no informative content. They are just merely there to wind you up.
      When you go to court show him who the boss is. You can put him to the ground. Trample on him with the law.
      Keep posting here.
      We are all here for you.

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