- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 1 week ago by
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Hi Ocean,
If you’re feeling that handovers are going to put you at risk, you could think about requesting that this be done by a third party. This could be through a friend or family member, or you might consider using a Child Contact Centre.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Hi Ocean
I would say that the children shouldn’t be with him alone anywhere if he can’t even manage to handover without being abusive. Its important to acknowledge that abuse happens everywhere, but especially behind closed doors, so if you are worried about you doing handovers in a public place with cctv for evidential purposes, maybe consider that the children will be abused after you’ve handed them over, so they are safest in public places also, where there is always cctv, and if he cannot be relied upon to do this then it may be safest for them to have supervision when with him, someone you can trust who will protect the children from his harms. Children left with abusive fathers are often abused by means of speaking very ill of their mother whilst with the father in order to alienate the children from their mother.
Its quite common for courts to treat this abuse to children as non-exisitent, despite the father abusing the mother! Someone who is familiar with the tactics of abuse, and this is a very common one, needs to be around to spot this and call a contact to an end as a result. This may be something that only a contact centre can provide in your situation? They can prepare reports on supervised contact.
Do let us know how you get on, and I hope you can find a way that protects you all.
warmest wishes
ts
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Hi TS,
Thank you for your comment. We’ve been through the process. He is ‘safe’ for the children. He is amazing while supervised, and also inconsistently while unsupervised. It’s a confusing day. I’m not even sure why I decided I couldn’t be with him anymore.
PS. He has spoken very badly about me to our children. The courts know about this but I’ve been made to feel like they think I’m deserving of it.
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A parent should not be speaking badly to a child about the other parent no matter how bad they are. The children need to be taught about boundaries, and what’s safe, and if they say that something happened you can confirm that it wasn’t safe, or ok. What he’s doing is alienating the children against you, and thats abusive to them. They will suffer a lot of emotional distress when he does that, and thats why its also abuse to them.
The court should not be dismissing that, its part of the father’s abuse tactics, both to the mother, and the children. Do you have a solicitor, what do they say, have they challenged this, have the court professionals all had DV training as they should know this?
An abusive father is not safe around children. If he’s abusive he uses power and control on those around him, especially the more intimate relationships, so his children and partner, and will use fear to control them, and lies and deceit to manipulate, thats all abusive.
I am sorry to hear you have gone, are going, through this. Please do have this conversation with your legal team, and ask what they will do to challenge this false assumption.
warmest wishes
ts
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