Advice on safeguarding children

[Bananaboat]

Hello, a few weeks ago my ex handled an incident with our youngest badly shouting at the child, restraining them and saying nasty things like I don’t love you etc. The dad hasn’t seen the child since – own choice, choosing to cancel pick ups last minute and not rearrange them. The child keeps asking if I like them and has seemed sad/confused at times but I’ve done my best to reassure them we both love them, daddy will see you soon etc. The dad was due to take the child to an event for a few days, which I was happy to happen on the condition they patched things up and did a trial overnight. Neither of these happened so child has stayed with me. My door is always open (not literally) but he could’ve seen the child any day/evening by just asking to. He’s a drug addict, alcoholic who doesn’t pay any maintenance and turns up when he feels like it? so I feel like I’ve been very reasonable to date!! They weren’t going alone to the event before anyone thinks I was leaving my child at risk.

I’ve now had a threatening text that he’s no longer going to play nice. Not those exact words so it’s not deleted.

I’m not sure what to reply, if anything. Tempted to just say ok. Could go sarcastically and say great I look forward to consistent pick ups and maintenance. Just ignore? Or something else, as you know he’s poking for a fight – what would you do?

Then second question – should I take any other steps? Should I look at safeguarding and where do you start? I tried online chat but it’s super busy so trying here 🙂

[Mellow]

If it was me I’d consider a child arrangements order I don’t always feel court is needed but on this occasion I do I would not reply to him I’d just go online and do an order if you know his address you don’t need a solicitor for this you just fill in a form as an outsider looking in there is too much conflict going on from his side trying to control every about child contact t

[Lisa]

Hi Bananaboat,

The NSPCC are good to talk to about any concerns you might have around your ex’s behaviour towards your child. They can advise on when taking further action is necessary and what that action should be. You could also directly contact social services in your area to discuss your concerns. You can find their contact details by searching “children’s services (name of your local council)”.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Monsterfree]

Hi,

If you haven’t already done so, it may be worth speaking to your school too. The school will have a safeguarding lead and they may be able to offer some support for your child when they’re at school and if you do go to court (and I think a child arrangements order is a good idea) the school may also be able to provide some evidence to support your case.

I also wouldn’t reply to the text. He’s just trying to get you to engage in his games. If you do go to court, you also do t want him saying that you are awkward with him (I’m pretty sure he’ll try to make out that you’re the terrible parent and you’re trying to alienate him).

Good luck x

[Bananaboat]

Thank you everyone, done a lot of reading and will look to speak to people in the week. I’ve not replied and won’t be. I’ve also looked into home safety – did you know the screws in doors are only short and can be made stronger by replacing with longer ones! Half my brain is saying he’s all hot air and will be fine, the other half is saying you’re not safe. It’s been triggering and bought all those Anxiety and will he/won’t he feelings up again. Either way I think it’s best to be prepared to protect my kids. x

[Author]

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