Advice/opinions please

[Gerbil]

Hi everyone
I am hoping you can give me some words of wisdom as I am at a loss in what to think.
After being on this site for a while, I have come to understand that my husband has been emotionally abusive and bullying for all of our marriage. When we were away (detail removed by Moderator), he hit my repeatedly in one place. I am at a loss of what to do. I feel like this is the final straw.

[Eggshells]

Hi Gerbil

I’m so sorry to hear that this has now turned physical. It feels as though you’re still a little shocked by this turn of events.

Unfortunately, there is not alot that you can do to stop this from happening again. Unless you feel able to leave him?

I threatened my ex with the police when he became physical with another family member and that did seem to stop the physical abuse. I have no idea if this would work with your partner or not.

I’m wondering if you are in touch with your local dv charity? They may be able to assign an outreach worker to you. They will be able to discuss your options and come up with a safety plan for you to ensure that you can get help quickly if you need it.

It sounds as though you may need a little time to process what has happened. Hopefully, the responses that you get on the forum will help.

[Eyesopening]

HI Gerbil, I am so sorry that this has happened, sounds terribly difficult.
Know you can leave him and take your life back. It’s so difficult to see past their abuse, they cloud our minds, even after we leave, we are basically brainwashed. Get all the support you can, gather your resources and lean on them, not him. Don’t listen to his words, they are words, take notice of his actions.
x*x

[Hereforhelp]

Hey Gerbil, hold onto that feeling of the final straw, he will not change and you cannot help him to change but you can change your life. As already said, get as much support as possible. Have you any support in place? Could you speak to a trusted GP in first instance or your local WA?

❤

[Gerbil]

Thank you for your advice. He did this blatantly in front of one of our children (older). As well as being scared of him emotionally, I am now scared physically too as if he was prepared to do that in front of a witness, god only knows what he is capable of.

[Bananaboat]

Oh Gerbil I’m so sorry. It took me a few physical episodes before I did anything, it was like even that wasn’t enough initially. We are so brainwashed by them over time.If you haven’t already then start getting things in order, moving documents or taking copies, work out finances, plan options for leaving, look into housing etc, basically this will all help you feel more in control even if you stay – knowing you can leave is powerful. Keep your phone with you. Unfortunately once it’s crossed that line it will happen again, not every time but you’ll fear it every time. Stay safe xx

[Gerbil]

Thank you Banana boat. That is also good advice.
I think this will give me the push I need . I do not want my children to think that this is right to accept abuse.
X

[Thewhiterabbit]

If you have to ask yourself if it is abuse then it likely is. He shouldn’t ever touch you in anyway even nicely without consent. My advice would be to take the leap of faith and go. It’ll be hard at first because it’s habit that people get attached to and to make decisions alone when you’ve most likely not been allowed a choice of your own for a while it can be very difficult and daunting concept to adapt to. I promise you it is worth it

[Wants To Help]

Hi Gerbil,

How have you been this past few days? Has there been any further violence?

The fact that your abuser has now used physical violence does not surprise me at all. Sadly, many abusers escalate to physical/sexual violence, abuse rarely decreases/stops, it gets worse.

Do you have anywhere you can go to with the children? Is there a family member, a friend, a friend who has a caravan on a holiday park for example, somewhere that you could take the children to for a few days for ‘a holiday’ just to get away and think things through without him present?

How has this incident of violence affected your child that saw what happened? Have they talked about it at all? This will have had an impact on them. My son’s first memory is of his dad hitting me, and he was only (detail removed by Moderator) old at the time.

The fact that your husband has assaulted you in front of your children is very concerning. I know of incidents where the children have then tried to step in and protect their mother and have been pushed or kicked out of the way by their father. Please keep us updated with how you are.

xx

[Gerbil]

Thank you so much for your concern and advice. There has been no more violence, just lots of emotional stuff.
I think my child who witnessed the incident is blocking it out. I have tried talking to her but she just shuts down and is not ready to talk yet.
I know I need to start planning sooner rather than later and call our local DA centre for advice.
Please take care everyone x

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