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I may be leaving for refuge in a matter of days and I’m so worried. I need to get away from where I am. I need a fresh start. Been split from ex months now but his behaviour is becoming increasingly unpredictable and my IDVA is trying every ways possible to get me moved and she has suggested a refuge and one has popped up.
Reality has hit and I feel sick. I’m de cluttering as I write this. I’m throwing away most of what I have I want to start from scratch just me and my children. My anxiety is going mad, how long will I be in refuge, will my kids settle, what will the other families be like, please can I have peoples other experiences.
Also my neighbour has been helping my ex abuse me further and I can’t get away from her, once she knows I’m moving I’m scared of her reaction, will she tell my ex, I don’t know or what to say to her about the move. I don’t want to tell her I’m seekin refuge and I also can’t lie. She’s been coming in my home today and seeing me de cluttering and already asking questions. Just feel I always have to explain my life to her,she’s like another controlling partner. Sick of it all -
Please don’t tell her anything. As far as she is concerned you’re just de cluttering. If she suspects you’re moving she will tell your ex and this can escalate his behaviour. Pretend you’re sick and don’t let her in x please don’t tell her. You’re going to have to cease contact with her when you leave. Think of refuge as a stepping stone to a new life x
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I’m not tellin her nothing no way. Once I’m gone I’m changing my number so she can’t contact me. Get rid of one perpetrator and another one appears. All my life I’ve found myself worrying about what others think all the time and it does my head in. I hate conflict and I know it’s goin to cause conflict once she clicks on I’m moving. Then she’ll ask why didn’t u tell me etc etc why can’t people just leave me alone
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Just tell her you are hypee anxious and don’t know whats wrong with you but cleaning, decluttering helps you as you can’t seem to sit still,but at least its meaning you can look forward to your home when its all done, she won’t think you’re moving then. Just that you are super anxious and having a clear out seems to help, that you can’t stop!
Each refuge will have different mix of women and families and sometimes some great supportive friendships are struck up, but think about yourself only, keep yourself to yourself and take advantage of a the support available to you for as long as you are there.
It can be chaotic bearing in mind what the women and children have just left (Detail removed by Moderator). You will be there as long as you want to be and have as little or much to do with others as you wish.
Do keep posting and good luck with all that clearing, I find it helps loads with anxiety to get stuck into something. You are preparing.
Warmest wishes ts
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