Advice please

[cloudysky]

I went into a refuge after leaving an abusive relationship with my child’s father. Now years later after going through court proceedings twice and him being denied direct contact both times he still manages to cause trouble for me. Not long after leaving the refuge he found out what town I had moved too after following me from court. As its a small town this has always worried me, he has been seen in the town looking for us on several occasions. It had all died down since the last court case when I was granted a section 91.14 order preventing him from bringing me back to court for 3 yrs. But recently I went back home to visit a friend and he found out a few weeks later I had been there, this angered him and he phoned the police and said I had left my daughter whilst I went away. This meant the police had to go to her school pull her out of lessons and question her, he has also been making threats towards me and people I know saying he’s put a hit out on us and other disgusting things. He also claims to know our address and says we will be seeing him soon. And now I have been informed that he has had a solicitor send a letter to my child’s school requesting school reports and any photos they have! The head teacher is saying as he’s on the birth certificate she cannot refuse! I’m really worried about him having a recent photo as I don’t know his intentions. Just wondered if anyone had similar experiences or advice.

[Ayanna]

That is vile and very concerning. If the school cooperates with an abuser they are guilty of anything that will happen to your daughter in the future. I would tell them that like this.
Can you move? To the capital? Nobody can find you there. You need to dive for a few years. Keep your address secret on the electoral role. Can you change your and your daughter’s name?
What does the police say to all that? You seriously need to sit down with the police and talk to them.
Also, I think you need to go zero contact with your friends, or just keep phone contact and do not let them know where you live.
If you want this to stop you have to make drastic changes. They can be difficult and painful. Your and your daughter’s safety should come first before anything else.

[cloudysky]

Hi thanks for the reply 🙂

I have basically told the head this, but she is under the impression that she has no choice. I have been to see a solicitor who has wrote a letter to her saying basically the same thing, even though he was saying legally there isn’t really anything saying he cant have a photo.

We can go to court to try and get a prohibited steps order but this could take a while and the head is under an obligation to respond within a reasonable amount of time.

I have thought about moving but its the money, rent in the city’s are much higher than my current rent and all the cost of moving vans and agent fees etc. I have tried applying to councils for hosing but have never got anywhere with it.

I have also thought of changing names but as he’s on the birth certificate I cannot change hers without his permission. I don’t know if just changing mine would be enough.

I have real trust issues regarding the police as they have given him information before including one of my previous addresses. And they have never helped me in the past with anything regarding him.

I only have contact with my best friend from home and she is at a different address from before so he doesn’t know it. It was a silly mistake by me regarding Facebook that let him know I was in the area.

I always feel that they put his rights over the rights of my daughter, which is beyond wrong.

[Ayanna]

What if you write a letter to your local MP and to Michael Gove and David Cameron, insisting that your and daughter’s lives are in danger? I would step up with my actions and make a hell of a noise. What about telling newspapers? I would also find out who is the head of safeguarding for school children and write them dramatic letters. But that is me. I did not care about anything when I finally fought against the abuser.
Do you have any support from Women’s Aid?
Did you contact Rights of Women?
I think you need to fight very hard, like in a war. Patriarchy tries to defeat us if we do not become warrior queens. x*x

[Author]

Posts